


we became strangers

by iwannadreamforever (orphan_account)



Series: i could almost feel you [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Clarke’s POV, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Happy, Love at First Sight, More tags added along the way, Open Ending, Romance, Sappy, Small Adventures, Smut, The Clexa we all need, funny moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:14:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24220396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/iwannadreamforever
Summary: “Clarke?” she sighs, you can hear it in the distance. Your eyelids are so fucking heavy.“I think I love you.” You hear her say then and suddenly, you are wide awake.“I know I have to let you go, and I will, but don’t think I will forget you.” She mutters against your forehead and you can feel tears stinging your eyes.ORThe one where Clarke and Lexa are strangers and spend one night together.[Same story as 'it's all for you', only written from Clarke’s POV]
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Series: i could almost feel you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1745404
Comments: 44
Kudos: 123





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> So, part II is the same as part I, just from Clarke’s POV. Have fun!

_“It's like you took a bottle of ink and you threw it at a wall. Smash! And all that ink spread. And in the middle, it's dense, isn't it? And as it gets out on the edge, the little droplets get finer and finer and make more complicated patterns, see? So in the same way, there was a big bang at the beginning of things and it spread. And you and I, sitting here in this room, as complicated human beings, are way, way out on the fringe of that bang. We are the complicated little patterns on the end of it. Very interesting. But so we define ourselves as being only that. If you think that you are only inside your skin, you define yourself as one very complicated little curlique, way out on the edge of that explosion. Way out in space, and way out in time. Billions of years ago, you were a big bang, but now you're a complicated human being. And then we cut ourselves off, and don't feel that we're still the big bang. But you are. Depends how you define yourself. You are actually--if this is the way things started, if there was a big bang in the beginning-- you're not something that's a result of the big bang. You're not something that is a sort of puppet on the end of the process. You are still the process. You are the big bang, the original force of the universe, coming on as whoever you are. When I meet you, I see not just what you define yourself as--Mr so-and- so, Ms so-and-so, Mrs so-and-so--I see every one of you as the primordial energy of the universe coming on at me in this particular way. I know I'm that, too. But we've learned to define ourselves as separate from it.”_

**\- Alan Watts**

\\\

_June 2014_

10:34 PM

You know you’re only here because your friends made you come. You know also, that if you leave, they will know that you are not fine. You pretend to be fine, but you really are not, you feel empty inside. Your friends took you here, your very first party after your fiancé died several months ago.

You look around you and you don’t feel like you belong here at all. You see drunk people, the dance floor is half-empty and you sip of your red wine. You run your hand through your blonde hair as you don’t know what to do.

You sit at the bar, watching your friends have fun. You know they won’t push you to dance, they won’t push you because dragging you to this party had been more than enough.

You don’t even know whose party it is, but you do know that it sucks to no end. The music is annoyingly old, the people seem all the same; drunk and young. Younger than you are.

Or maybe it is, because you feel just... closed off. You don’t want to feel like that and being here only reminds you more of it.

So, you do what every sane person would do. You find a way out. You don’t leave the party, because you know what your friends will think. You have been here once before and you know that there’s a rooftop nobody goes to.

So, you finish your red wine, look around you to see if your friends are still watching you in concern. When you see they don’t, you quickly make your way towards the door in the corner. It’s barely there and you are certain that you are the only one who knows about it, so you escape there as fast as you can.

You run up the stairs, as if you are chased by someone. You can barely breathe, but once you open the door on the roof, a stream of gentle wind makes you sigh deeply. You have been here before, but you haven’t seen the roof furnitured before. It’s decorated with lights, a lounge set, but there are no people present and you smile slightly.

Leaning your back against the door, you look around. You pray that nobody will find you here. You lean heavily. Your heart stings, your breath catches again and you know you are just at the beginning of healing, healing from the past.

You take a few small steps, hating that you put on pumps instead of a set ofcomfortable sneakers.

You lean against the wall, gently sliding down so you sit on the ground. Somehow, you can’t find the energy to walk to the lounge set and you find your breath shaking, erratically.

You know you are about to have a panic attack, but breathing like your therapist taught you helps.

You know being alone helps, being outside. Your friends came to visit a lot in the past few weeks, but all you wanted was to be alone. They didn’t understand and you didn’t have the heart to tell them to leave.

You have no idea how long you sit there, but you are shaken out of your thoughts when the door bursts open.

You hear a woman’s voice mumble something you can’t understand, you see how a tall woman slowly walks onto the roof. She doesn’t seem to notice you and you smile in amusement.

The woman looks around, you hear some approving sounds coming from her mouth. You notice her long, curly hair and you wonder what her face looks like. You stand up slightly, waiting what the woman is going to do, you don’t want to scare her.

The woman runs her hand through her curls while walking towards the edge of the roof. You get the feeling she’s here for the same reason you are. The woman stands at the edge, watching over the city that you love the most, even though it’s not your home.

"Shitty music down there?" You say gently, your voice still a little thick from your almost panic attack. Leaning against the wall, you watch how the woman freezes, slowly turning around and you are stunned.

The woman is the most gorgeous creature you have ever seen. Her face is soft, if that’s possible. Her mouth wide, a small smile forming on her thick lips. Her nose long, but small, her eyes big and a perfect set of eyebrows. You don’t think you’ve ever felt this attracted to anyone before in your life and it scares you already.

You can’t see the color of her eyes, since the light of the dying sun is behind the woman, shining in your own eyes.

"Yeah, music sucks. But people suck the most." The woman speaks, her voice kind and innocent, her brown curls waving in the soft wind. You walk closer to her, as you feel yourself being pulled towards the woman. There’s just something about her that pulls you in, something you don’t understand.

"If people suck, why are you here then?" You ask curiously, wanting to know why the brunette was here, at this party in the first place.

"I was dragged here." The woman shrugs, her innocence refreshing. She seems like she doesn’t give a shit about what people think of her and you smile at her. Now, that you are closer, you get a look at her face and you like what you see. Her eyes seem a shade of some kind of green, rebellious eyeliner drawn around them and it looks incredibly good on her. You swallow, hoping she won’t notice that you are completely checking her out.

Your eyes roam over the rest of her body quickly, your smile never leaving your lips. The woman looks like she works out, even through her outfit you see the muscles in her legs flex slightly as the woman shifts uncomfortably. You hold in a smirk when you see that she is doing the exact thing to you as you did to her; shamelessly checking the other woman out.

"At least you get to see the sunset." You can’t seem to stop smiling and you motion behind the other woman so she would notice the sunset.

"I have thing for rooftops." you hear her mumble, while she turns around to stare at the city skyline in front of you.

"I have, too." You say back as you slowly join her at the edge. You don’t even have to tell your legs to move, they just do it. You notice how the woman fumbles with her hands, as if she was nervous that you were standing next to her now. You adore the way she acts; it’s so pure and you have the feeling she would understand you at a level nobody else would. You try to ignore how much you love the way she looks, rough on first sight but once you get closer you can tell she has her own story. You can also tell that she would probably not want anybody to pity her and you know you never will.

You sigh slightly, following the woman’s gaze to the skyline of New York City. You gently press your shoulder against hers and you let yourself feel the warmth it gives you. The warmth of her body against your own somehow sends shivers down your spine and you hope she doesn’t notice.

You can feel how your hands almost touch and you smile when the wind sends her scent into your direction. You think it’s a familiar perfume you smell; maybe Lancôme? You are not sure but you know you love it already.

You are attracted to her, probably more than you want to admit to yourself. You look up to the sky, feeling slightly guilty for even thinking such a thing of a stranger, and you try to find peace. You try to think if this is what your fiancé meant when he died. You wonder if this is what it felt like to slightly move on.

But somehow, your heart doesn’t hurt in this moment. Maybe it’s because you feel like you are on top of the world. Maybe it’s because the stranger has a weird pull on you. Your thoughts are interrupted by the woman’s gentle voice.

"Why are you here?" The woman doesn’t look at you.

You smile slightly, trying to be nonchalant, and for the first time in months, it actually works. Find yourself being genuine in everything you say.

"Oh, the same as you. I don't like parties but they kind of forced me because they think I'm sad or pathetic."

"Why would you be sad or pathetic?" The brunette asks, and there is no trail of pity, just real interest.

You smile and wonder for a short moment if you should tell her the truth. You look into her eyes and you see recognition. "I lost some people along the way." You find yourself mumbling before you even realize it.

"Are they trying to cheer you op?" She asks, her eyes showing the same kind of pain you are feeling right now and you know she completely understands. It’s a relief, somehow.

"They are." You nod, breaking eye contact because you can’t stand how kind the woman’s eyes are looking at you. You know she’s feeling something familiar and you’re glad because of it because she understands you. But somehow, the gaze from the green eyes woman is a little much for you in that moment.

"Is it working?"

"Not at all." You smile sadly, knowing she can see it. You are slightly flabbergasted when the woman suddenly turns, looking into your eyes, seeking some kind of... consent.

You smile reassuringly, not sure what she is looking for. You know soon, when she takes you in her arms, so gently as if she is afraid of breaking you.

You breathe, deeply. You let yourself being hugged by this beautiful stranger. You smile into her black denim jacket, slowly hugging her back. You really like how good it feels, how natural all your movements are. It feels comforting and warm, and you actually feel better because of it.

Her arms are just as strong as you expected them to be. Her body is warm, comfortable, and you find yourself enjoying every minute of it.

You lean your head on her shoulder, completely giving in now. You feel her chin leaning on your own shoulder and you feel nervous. You feel how the touch sends gentle electric shocks through your body and you are surprised to feel it.

You close your eyes, taking in the woman’s scent. You feel the wind turning slightly cold but you don’t care. You are warm and you feel safe.

You move closer, shamelessly moving your face towards her neck. Her skin feels warm and soft, her scent stronger than you smelled before. You feel nothing but comfort, exactly what you need. You didn’t even know you needed it so much but you do. You craved this. And here you are, a stranger giving you a feeling you haven’t felt in a long time. You could even swear that you felt maybe one or two butterflies in your stomach and you leave them there. It makes you smile and you love the feeling the stranger gives you.

The strangers trembles lightly, and you think it’s because your breathing is erratic in her neck. You don’t care what she thinks, you can almost feel how she wouldn’t judge you and it feels great.

You forget the world, leaning into her heavily, but she doesn’t seem to mind. Her grip is only growing stronger and you smile. You smile, but you can feel it fade. You can’t seem to stop feeling the pain in your heart, the pain you have felt for a long time, never seeming to fade.

You try not to cry, but a tear escapes your eyes. You can’t stop it. The emotions are running up, as if you have never felt them before and you cry. You feel how the hug intensifies and you feel comforted. The green eyed woman holds you tight, her arms wrapped around you protectively.

You notice how the woman starts humming a song that you know. You think it’s one of Ben Howards’ songs and you feel your heartbeat slow down, hearing her voice.

"I love that song." You manage to breathe.

"What's your name?" Her voice is small, careful even, making you smile slightly again.

"I'm Clarke. And you?"

"Lexa." She mumbles into your hair and you don’t even mind the close proximity, you even love it, secretly. You hold her close, not ready to let go just yet. It has been a long time since you have been so attracted so somebody and you know you want to look into her eyes again. Her name fits her perfectly and you also think it’s the most beautiful name you’ve ever heard.

"Your name is beautiful." You genuinely whisper into her neck, not ready to remove yourself from there, yet you find yourself pulling back slightly. You don’t take a step back, though, you stay close, your own body pressed against hers and you adore the feeling.

You look up, into her eyes, and it’s the first time you look into those green orbs from this close. Her eyes look right back into your own and it’s like you have a silent conversation with Lexa.

Her eyes so green, so pure, and you can tell she is hurting, too. She is hurting, yet you see her lips form into the most beautiful smile you have ever seen and you let yourself feeling a little giddy, in a good way.

"Did that make you feel better?" She asks, making you nod. You can’t stop yourself from smiling again. Lexa seems just so... caring. Caring, kind and not judging at all and it makes you feel.. special, or something like that, you are not sure how you are supposed to feel right now, but your stomach tells you otherwise.

Your stomach turns slightly, as if it’s giving the butterflies more room to fly. And you feel all of it.

"It did. Thank you." You mumble and you now notice how close your own face is to hers. Your noses almost touching, you feel her breath on your lips and you feel the urge to pull her in closer. You look at her irrestistable lips and you wonder what it’s like to kiss them. You don’t even mind thinking such a thing it and truly surprises you.

"I'm glad I could be of service." She smiles widely, and you notice how her gaze drops to your own mouth. You can see in her eyes that she wants more than just hugging you. But you can also see, that she respects you. She respects you and you wonder if this is even real.

You notice how her breath is shaky, her bottom lip trembling just the slightest and you are curious aboutw how she thinks of you. Does she feel the same way you feel about her? This magical, strange feeling that you never knew even existed.

You think you see more pain flashing in her eyes, you notice that she isn’t feeling all too happy then. You smile as wide as you can and you see how she returns it. You see how she is making peace with herself, even though you have no idea why. This woman is easy to read and you love it. You love how her eyes are so expressional and how you notice how your own smile makes her smile.

"Are you alright?" You ask her, and you feel her grip tightening. Lexa nods, and you just hope you can make her feel better.

"Do you need a hug as well?" You lean your arms on her hips and she nods.

You take her into your arms, your hand moving to her neck without even purposely thinking about that. Feel how her face searches for your neck and you shiver under her breath.

You smile. You think this moment is as perfect as it could be and you enjoy every minute of it. Lexa holds you tight, really tight, as if she’s afraid you will turn around and leave her here. You wouldn’t even dare.

You can barely breathe, but just enough to let the brunette have her own moment and you are so willing to give her just that, a moment of peace.

It's perfect. You don't want it to end.

She pulls back slightly after a few minutes, and you already miss her warmth. You notice how her eyes are watery, a small tear streaming down her face and before you even realize it, your hands make their way up to her face, gently wiping the tear away.

The moment is ruined by a loud voice that startles you.

"LEXA!"

You look at the brunette questioningly, and you can read the disappointment from her face.

"Ontari." She sighs, shooting an apologetic look into your direction, to which you respond with a nod and smile.

"Lex- oh. Oh, hello there." You take a look at the woman to whom belongs the harsh voice. She seems drunk and you can barely see her in the slight darkness. You feel how the brunette wraps an arm around your shoulder and you quickly return the favor, not minding at all.

"What can I do for you, Ontari?" Lexa asks and you think you sense some kind of disappointment in this Ontari girl. You feel for her.

"Nothing, I was just wo-wondering where you were. Have fun." The woman turns around, almost falling in the process and walks back inside.

"What just happened?" You let out a small laugh, secretly entertained by the previous scene.

"She thinks she's in love with me." Lexa laughs. You love how her arm hesitates to leave your shoulder and you don’t want to pull back either. This moment is so lighthearted, you want to stay in it forever.

Then, Lexa speaks up again. "Thank you for covering for me."

"You're welcome." You laugh, and you can’t help yourself for what you ask next. "You are not in love with her?"

"God, no." The brunette laughs, and you feel your stomach clench just a little. You are curious and you look at her with questioning eyes.

"She's pretty and all, but I could never be with someone like her." Lexa says carefully.

"Someone like her?" You smile, raising your eyebrows in curiosity. You don’t want to pry, but you just have to know.

"She is... wild. Gets drunk a lot and is about to throw her life away. I couldn't be with someone who's that.... careless." She says, and you somehow feel slight relief.

"I thought you were not into women." The comment slips through before you know it.

"Oh, I am. Just not into Ontari." Lexa smiles, and you feel yourself getting a little happier. You love how you still stand close to the brunette, loving her warmth near you.

"Hmm. What's your type?" You tease, taking a step closer to her. You like the playful look in those green eyes.

"Oh, I don't know. I do have thing for people that hug strangers, though." She teases and you can’t stop yourself from smiling. You truly adore her already, even though you barely know her. She is really beautiful, kind and she makes you smile so much your cheeks hurt.

"Really? I despise people like that." You chuckle, biting your lip.

"Despise? My god, what have I gotten myself into?" Lexa rolls her eyes, taking a small step back but you are quick to pull her back. Your body reacts sooner than your mind, but you don’t care, you’re still loving the moment. Lexa falls silent, her eyes searching for yours.

You notice how your hand moves to her neck, pulling her face closer to yours. You lean your forehead against hers and you smile when you hear her happy sigh.

"I really want to kiss you right now, I don’t know what it is about you." You whisper, meaning every word you say. You feel her breath trembling against your lips, her eyes still open as you try to make contact.

You feel how her hands pull you closer by your hips, your heart skipping one, two beats. You haven’t felt this excited about something in a lot time and you hope, no you pray, that she kisses you.

You have no idea why you feel this way all the sudden, really out of nowhere. You want her so desperately, but you hold in. Your bodies are so close you can almost feel her bosom against yours and you gulp.

You are amazed by how careful the brunette is. She tucks you close, holding you by your hips, her eyes closing but it’s like she is waiting. Waiting for you to act. As if she is scared to cross lines, you think, but you are not sure if that’s the case. You feel your heart skip a few more beats when you study her face up close, her pale skin perfectly glooming in the evening light. You close your eyes, hoping she will be the first to kiss you.

You notice nothing happening, it feels like centuries pass. You are moving your hand to her neck, pulling her closer since she doesn’t seem to do so herself.

You tremble. You tremble and you have no idea why. Okay. Maybe you do. Maybe it’s because you haven’t been touched in months, maybe it’s because you are scared you are making a mistake.

But somehow, your heart wants Lexa. You heart wants something so bad and you don’t care about the consequences whatsoever.

Lexa is simply irrestistable. She is just.. amazing. She is beautiful, thoughtful and you feel like you connect on another level despite you knowing her for what, 15 minutes? It’s different. Maybe it’s the wine talking, but you only had one glass.

You move closer, your eyes closed, you focus on the feeling of her body against your own and it feels so damn good.

You feel her breath against your mouth, her gentle, shaky breath and it makes you smile slightly.

"Do you want this?" Lexa whispers shakily, and you know you can’t hold back anymore. You go for it, you press your lips against her lips and it feels so fucking good. Her lips her so soft, so gentle, waiting for you to move. You feel how she trembles under your touch and you don’t think you have ever felt this alive.

She lets you take the lead and god, how badly you want her is just ridiculous. You just pray she wants you, too.

You kiss her hard, fast but somehow it stays gentle. It turns heated and you know you want to do much more than just kissing the woman. Her lips part, and you smile slightly as your tongue meets hers.

It’s hot. It’s slow, but hot. You enjoy every freaking second of it as you wish more at the same time. You tangle your hand in her hair, trying to pull her even closer; if that’s possible.

You feel her arms snake around your waste and you shiver under her touch. She pulls your body close and you feel every centimeter of her body against your own and it feels perfect.

You forget who you are and how you got here. You only feel Lexa pressed up against you, your breath trembling as you wish, hope, your heart can let go and start feeling more. Your tongue fighting for a spot in her mouth, you feel how she lets you.

She pulls back, taking a deep breath and you are ready for her when her lips claim your own again. You feel how she loosens up, her hands sneaking under your long jacket, roaming over your sides as she ends up on your lower back. You know you want her, and you know she wants you, too.

Your breath hitches when her hands move up, to hold your face. Your mouth meets hers in a hot, open-mouthed kiss and it turns you on to no end. You feel her warmth, and your feelings are mixed.

You already know that these are the best feeling kisses you have ever had. You are not sure if it’s the time of the year, or the person, but it’s a perfect moment, a perfect night and you didn’t realize how much you needed it until now. Your heart feels so alive, your lungs burning with want.

You are not only incredibly turned on, you feel true happiness. Your hands move, you can’t help yourself when you cup her round ass and the deep moan you elicited from her sounds like music in your ears, creating a pool of wetness in your panties. You are so fucking turned on by this woman.

Her lips move to kiss your cheek, your neck and you sigh contently. You feel so wanted.

You tangle your hands into her hair, pulling her head closer, needing her to kiss you in places you haven’t been kissed in a long time.

You feel how Lexa struggles with your high collar and it makes you laugh out loud. You open your eyes just enough to see how wide her smile is and you know everything is worth it. She kisses your cheek and you feel so intimate, you can’t comprehend it.

"You are sómething." you whisper, leaning your underarms on her shoulders, your hands folded behind her head.

"So are you." She breathes, trying to catch her breath as you notice how her gaze drops to your mouth again, you know she wants to kiss you again.

She seems to be deep in thought, but her eyes sparkle and you love the sight of that. All you know is that you want nothing more than this night to last forever. Just, the mystery, the perfect moment, not knowing each other well enough to make it messy. You love it and you hope she loves it, too.

"It's cold up here." You whisper, noticing the drop in temperature.

"Do you want to go somewhere else?" She asks, but you are quick when you shake your head.

"I don't. I don't want to go anywhere else but if we stay, we might freeze to death." You smile sadly, wanting nothing more to continue but you’re pulled out of your daze by the cold wind.

"We could go somewhere else. It's a big city, we could go anywhere." Lexa speaks, and you know she doesn’t want it to end, either. Yet, you shake your head and you somehow feel... different. You are reminded of why you are here in the first place and you wish you could shake it off,but you can’t ignore the feeling. You want Lexa, but you also want.. you want to be ready and you are not sure that you are. You can see in Lexa’s eyes that she knows you changed your mind and you feel incredibly guilty for it.

"I should go home." You say and you see all hope disappear in her eyes.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asks, taking a step back, creating a distance that you don’t like at all. But you are torn.

"You didn't. I did." You shake your head, a sudden panic filling your chest, just like before. You knew that Lexa was perfect for the time being but your body wants to run. You make your way back, towards the door, but Lexa beats you to it, blocking the door.

"Wait! Please, I.... I'm sorry. I didn't think anything like this would happen, but it did. It did and I liked it. I.... I'm sorry if I crossed a line." She stutters, moving away and you heart simply aches. It aches and you don’t know if it’s because you disappoint yourself and Lexa or that you feel the pain of loss.

"Lexa." You say, stepping closer to her as she seems to hold her breath. "Lexa, you didn't do anything wrong. It's just... my fiancé died a few months ago. You.. you are perfect, standing here with those big green eyes, no harm intended.. I could.. I feel like there’s more between us, maybe, but I- I just can't. But please, know that I enjoyed it probably just as much as you did. Thank you." You cup her cheeks, you see how you hurt her with these words and you want nothing more than to stay. Her eyes are pleading but her mouth stays shut and you feel how good of a person she actually is.

"Goodluck, Clarke." She just says, and for some weird reason it makes you smile. She is so thoughtful, you don’t think you ever met anybody like her.

Her eyes, so beautiful, her lips slightly pouting. You are torn. You are hurting from the past, but you seem to forget it all when you look into those green orbs.

Your gaze flickering to her lips, you are desperate when your lips search hers again. She immediately reciprocates when your lips meet hers, you press yourself up to her as she is pinned against the wall. You want her.

You want her, you kiss her and she moans into your mouth and it’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever heard. Your lips tremble, though. You still love Finn, you still love the man that passed away all those months ago.

"Clarke." Lexa says, pulling back. It’s only then, that you notice that you are crying. And Lexa looks at you with the most loving look, understanding and compassion.

"I- I'm sorry, Lexa." You sniff. You didn’t mean for that to happen, but then again, your body seemed out of your control the whole damn evening.

"How about this; we spend one night together, one night. Not in that way, you know. But I... just let me try to make you.. feel better." Lexa suddenly says, holding your hands in hers. You are surprised.

"One night?"

"One night. We could do anything we want and after that, we will never see each other again. I promise." you can tell she wants more than one night, but she holds in. You know you want more than one night, too, but you also know you aren’t ready for that, despite how much you want to.

"No sleeping together?" You laugh and you feel how she wipes your tears away.

"No sleeping together." She says, smiling. "And if you wish to leave, you can, obviously. But just enjoy it, okay? No heavy talk? Just... fun?"

"Nothing personal." You nod. You hope you can hold onto that.

"Yes."

"Let's do it."

Lexa seems to hesitate for a moment."What about the kissing?"

"What about it?" You step a little closer, knowing what you want. You just want to hear what _she_ wants.

"Can I kiss you throughout the night?" She smiles and you smile right back at her. Of course you want her to kiss you. You want her to do more to you, but you know that wasn’t your agreement.

"Yes, please."

She takes your answer seriously as she pulls you against her, her hands still holding your face gently. Your lips touching, your eyes flutter closed and you forget everything again.

The kiss is heated, your hands roaming over her body, wanting to feel everything. At some point, Lexa is the one pinning you to the wall and her domination makes you even wetter down there. You groan deeply, and you feel so turned on when she moans right back at you.

Her leg pressed between yours, you search for whatever friction you can find, desperately holding onto her. One hand on her ass, one hand in her neck, pulling her as close as possible.

"Fuck. Can we cut the no sleeping together part out?" You breathe, wanting her.

"Only if you want this, Clarke." Lexa whispers.

She leans her hands against the wall besides your head, her breath erratic, your arms wrapping around her waist because you need her close. She feels so .. safe.

You pull her close and once again, she struggles with your collar and you hear some muttered curse escape her mouth and you love it.

You get scared when she suddenly speaks up.

"Stop." She whispers. "Stop, Clarke, stop."

"Wha- what did I do?" You have no idea what you have done, but green eyes meet your own.

"I.... you didn't do anything, I was just wondering." She pulls back but stays close. "Just.. are you sure, Clarke?"

You laugh, walking towards the edge. You have no idea where she wants to go with this. "I am never sure, Lexa." You motion your hand, requesting her to follow you to the edge. You lean against the fence and she places herself behind you, her nose in your hair.

You lean back into her. “Clarke?” She asks, her arms sneaking around your waist and the feeling is too good.

"Yeah?"

"There are so many things I want to say, but I just can't find the words." Lexa sighs, her chin leaning on your shoulder, her breath in your neck tickling you, sending shivers down your spine.

You turn around grinning, taking her face between your hands.

"There are no words, Lexa. There are no words for -" you motion your hands between you two. ".. this."

"You are special, Clarke."

"Probably because I'm not ugly." you nicker. She laughs with you and her light voice makes you feel goosebumps all over.

"That is certainly a factor, but not the main one." She chuckles, her eyes shining. You raise your hand to tuck a wild strand of hair behind her tiny ear. Her eyes are so... stunning.

"I love your eyes, Lexa. They tell me more than anything else." your smile fades, you are completely serious, your own blue eyes meet those green orbs.

"Do they tell my deepest darkest secrets?"

"Yes, wait..." you chuckle, not expecting such a lighthearted comment. "I can see, oh I can see, that you..... you once accidentally broke something... " squeezing your eyes, you pretend to read hers.

"Yes! You broke your mothers table and she asked and you lied. You have never told her the truth about it." You guess, and see a smile tugging on the corners of Lexa’s mouth.

"You're close." She smiles as she comes closer to you, capturing your lips with hers again. You can’t get enough of her and you know it. You kiss her passionately, and your tongue is desperately looking for hers.

You kiss her, you pull her close and you feel like you need her.

And most of all, you feel like you can finally move on.

\\\


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm busy updating and writing stuff tonight, so here's an extra chapter.
> 
> PS: Haven't checked for typo's since I'm too tired. Might check for them tomorrow. Enjoy!!

\\\

The sun has set, it is dark but you don’t have a clue. Your lips are claimed by the brunettes. You are pushing her into the direction of what you think is the lounge set, but when you open your eyes, you giggle and notice that you have been going the wrong way.

Lexa chuckles with you.

“Clarke.” Her voice light and soft, her lips plumb. “What do you want?”

Her eyes are dark – darker than you have seen before.

“I want you.” Your voice husky, your body filled with arousal. You gaze flickers between Lexa’s eyes and her lips and you know exactly what you are planning to do.

“I want you, but what do you want?” biting your bottom lip, your stare moves to her eyes.

A very tiny smile tugs at the corner of her lips. Her eyes too focused on your body, you think you know what she wants.

“You.” She mumbles, her hands moving to your face. You feel her thumbs stroking your cheeks and you can’t stop smiling when you look at her.

Her face is so perfectly symmetrical, her expression sexy, as well as soft, gentle and kind. You really don’t think you have ever seen a more beautiful person than Lexa.

“I think we agree then.” You smirk, gently pushing the brunette towards the set. You press her on it, her knees buckling. She gives in, dropping herself into a sitting position.

Your hands holding hers, you decide to settle yourself on top of her – on her lap, straddling her hips.

Your hands move to cup her face, you tilt your head and meet her lips in an open-mouthed kiss. Her tongue is immediately seeking entrance to your mouth and you let her. You don’t notice your body starts grinding into the brunette’s lap, not until you feel her hands cupping your ass, stimulating your movements.

You groan deeply. Lexa is just so… foreign, soft and just hot. You cannot get used to the feeling of her plump lips on your own and you’re not sure you even want to. It feels too good to be true.

Your breaths get heavier, your groans deeper. You hear her moans and it turns you on to no end.

Her hands running down your back, you shiver under her touch. You don’t feel how one of her hands move towards your lower stomach, hovering over the edge of your jeans. It’s only when she stops kissing you, looking at you with questioning eyes that you notice what she is about to do.

You smile, nod in approval, her lips on yours before you know it.

God, you want to rip her clothes off, but it’s too cold for that.

For a moment, it feels like you are moving in slow motion. Your left hand in her neck, holding yourself steady. The other on her cheek, cupping gently and you simply look at her for a moment.

A content sigh escapes Lexa’s lips and her face moves towards your neck, sinking her teeth into your skin. You squeal in surprise, laughing, but at the same time you can feel yourself starting to drip into your panties.

Your grinding intensifies as you press her face deeper into your neck. You hate that you are wearing a turtleneck, and you decide to get rid of it.

Because it’s cold, you are quick to remove your jacket, followed by your sweater. You are left in a sleeveless thin shirt, but you put your coat back on. Her jaw drops at the sight of you in your shirt only, and you smirk widely as she immediately moves to pepper you in kisses, making you chuckle lightly.

From your jaw to your neck, she sucks her way down your chest, her hair tangled in your fingers.

She struggles when she tries to open your jeans. When her hand slips into your pants, you moan loudly, shamelessly.

Lexa whimpers softly and you grind even harder, faster.

The fabric of your panties is the only thing avoiding skin-to-skin contact at your centre.

Her palm presses against you and you need more friction.

“Fuck.” You groan deeply, tilting your head back, your mouth open in a shaky breath.

The pleasure building up at your centre makes you wetter and wetter and you are pretty sure that your entire jeans is ruined.

“You are so fucking wet, Clarke.” Lexa whispers in your ear and you shiver. You shiver and you are impatient.

“Please.” You almost beg her and you groan deeply when her fingers slide your panties aside, slowly dipping into you, into your wetness. Your eyes roll back, your eyes close and you almost scream a moan when she slips her fingers into you.

You lose yourself into this woman. The way she touches you is electric. The way she looks at you like you are all she knows. It’s exhilarating. The way her arm holds you steady, the way her other hand teases you down there makes you almost already sending over the edge.

You tremble as you hold onto her tight, her teeth gripping the flesh in your shoulder. Your head in your neck, you body shivering and you can’t help it.

You gasp when she adds a finger and your hips buckle. You grind into her movement, you breath heated, you feel how you start sweating lightly.

“Fuck, Clarke.” Lexa breathes, her eyes so dark when she looks at you. You take her face between your hands and while you grind, you kiss her as hard as you can – you need the contact. You need her soft, big lips on yours, you need to feel her tongue fighting with your own. You just need her.

Usually, this isn’t how you do things. But with Lexa, there is probably not one thing that could feel wrong and for now you are so grateful that you decided to join your friends.

You keep riding her fingers, you know you are close. You are close and you moan, pressing Lexa’s face in your neck while your eyes are closed, your face pointed towards the sky.

You feel ecstatic. Your whole body is filled with pleasure, and when Lexa curls her fingers inside you, you come undone. You fall apart, breathing heavily, but she is there to catch you. Your whole body won’t stop shuddering as you feel the pleasure run through your veins. You are exhausted.

Lexa doesn’t speak, and you are grateful for it. Her fingers still inside you, you gently ride out your orgasm while your face is hidden in her neck.

Slowly, you move to look into her eyes. They are nothing but gentle and lustful at the same time and you find yourself wondering how that combination is ever possible.

You are still amazed. It’s all so familiar, yet incredibly foreign at the same time and you have no idea what you are feeling. Right now, you are tired because she did you well. Like, really well. You don’t think you’ve ever had an orgasm like that and all you want is make her feel the same way.

You want her to feel even better than you do – you think she deserves it.

“Wow.” You manage to smile before you press gentle kisses to her face. Her skin is so perfect and soft and you wonder how many people have been able to touch her like this. You wonder if she had gotten the love she deserves.

You know you are willing to give everything tonight. You kiss her jaw. You remove her hand from your jeans and you look her in the eyes when you lick her fingers. You see how she bites her lip and it turns you on. But it doesn’t matter; your jeans were already ruined anyways.

Still holding her hand, you kiss her deeply, and you taste yourself in the kiss. Your hands move to her neck and you want more of her. You move.

The set is wide enough for you to easily lie down on top of her without falling off, so you place yourself into that position. Lexa isn’t complaining at all and you are gentle with putting your weight on top of her.

Your jeans is still open, but you don’t care.

“Clarke, you don’t have t-“

“I want to.” You cut in. “I want it if you want it.”

You notice how your voice is lower than usual. She just smirks up at you and you grin right back at her. There are no words needed.

You raise her white sweater, underneath her jacket. It’s too cold to take anything off, but you manage. You swallow when you see her bare stomach. She has fucking abs. You lick your lips before you lean down to leave a trail of kisses on the other woman’s stomach and you feel how her hands gripping in your hair.

She stirs underneath you and you want more. More of her, more of her bare skin. You want to feel everything.

You tease a little bit, placing kisses right above the hem of her pants. You tug a little bit, teasingly trying to open the button, while your other hand strokes the inside of her thigh, close to her centre.

You hear her breath shaking, you feel her tremble underneath you and the feeling is pretty amazing. You can’t stop smiling. This woman is truly gorgeous and makes you feel giddy and happy and capable or more than just mourning. Even though it’s temporary, just one night, you know you want to make the most out of it.

So, you unbutton her jeans, pull down the zipper as you suck on the newly revealed skin. You smirk when you hear a small ‘fuck’ leaving the brunette’s mouth when you create a hickey on her lower stomach.

You pull down her pants; taking her panties with it in the process. You don’t even have to feel how wet she is – you can smell it and you love it.

You tuck her pants low enough so you can access her centre, but let it high enough for her legs to stay warm. Her hands are still tangled in your hair, gently scarping your scalp, stiffening with each kiss you press on her tanned skin.

You smile when you see how neatly shaven she is – her skin soft and perfect and you have no idea where to start. You want it all.

Your kisses get closer to her centre and you feel her getting more desperate. Oh, how you love teasing.

You slide your right arm underneath her legs; holding her steady. Your save your other hand for more intimate activities. But first, you suck on her skin, lowering yourself so you have view that you wish you could have forever. You surprise Lexa by suddenly searching her clit – your tongue doesn’t take long to find it. You hear another ‘fuck’ escape her mouth and the grip on your head gets tighter.

You move your tongue around the little bundle of nerves and you love how she tastes. You adore the way she is writhing underneath you; she’s trying to hold still but you can tell she can’t help herself. You can tell you’re at the right spot by the way she holds your hair, the way her movements are getting more and more intense.

You stop, trailing kisses up over her stomach, your chin slightly covered in her wetness. You know your eyes are dark with want when you meet hers. You wipe your chin, and squeak when Lexa suddenly pulls you down for a searing kiss. Her tongue seems to get stronger, her lips more demanding.

Once again, you give her no warning when you slip 2 fingers inside of her, causing her to grab your neck, your forehead resting on hers as you watch her eyes being squeezed close, her mouth forming a silent ‘o’. She is so fucking stunning.

You gently pump in and out of her, but she grinds into you. There’s domination taking you over; you take both her hands, placing it above her head as you suck her earlobe. You whisper sweet things in her ear, but she doesn’t seem to hear a word. She tries to get loose, but you are stronger and more in control when you add a third finger.

You can feel how her walls are clenching around your fingers and you feel she gets wetter every second. You wouldn’t be surprised if you are just as wet as she is.

Her moans drive you crazy and you know you want to hear them a lot more than just tonight. You ignore that thought as you lean in and whisper in her ear.

“Will you come for me?” your voice low, you smirk widely when it sends her over the edge. She holds onto you tightly, her walls trapping your fingers inside of her, her hips bucking hard.

“Fuck, Clarke.” Lexa sweats, her smile wide as she pulls you close for another searing kiss.

“You. Are. So. Damn. Hot.” You mutter, looking into her eyes as you pull your hand back, licking your fingers right in front of her. Her eyes are turning dark.

You are just about to enter her again, when you hear the door to the roof open.

You freeze – looking at Lexa you see her eyes widen in shock.

You want to laugh, you really do. You hope that the person won’t walk onto the roof, or seeing you. You are pretty sure, though, that the back of the loungeset will be high enough to cover you both.

You wait, holding your breath, avoiding to look into Lexa’s eyes. It’ll only make you laugh. You make the mistake of looking at her face. You see how Lexa is biting both her lips, trying not to laugh as well and you let out a snort.

Lexa can’t hold back either and a weird noise leaves her throat but you are quick to cover her mouth with your hand.

You still hear nothing.

You look into amused green eyes and you press your face into her cheek; trying to muffle your laughter.

Your eyes widen when you hear the door close, and a lock being turned.

“Did we just got locked out?” you whisper, afraid to breathe. You remove your hand from Lexa’s mouth.

The brunette glares at you for a moment, before bursting out in laughter. You snicker right with her, falling off her in the process.

You choke on your laughter, you cough, you laugh and you have no idea how to recover. When you see the brunette’s face, it isn’t helping either. She sits up, her pants still around her knees, desperately trying to pull it up while trying to help you at the same time, her face red and teary from laughter.

Her eyes are bright, sparkling. Her mouth wide – revealing her perfect set of teeth and the sound of her laughter is beautiful. Neither of you can stop laughing, you half lying on the ground and Lexa still struggling with her pants.

It is then, that you notice your own jeans is still open as well. You sit up, your back against the set, Lexa’s legs next to you.

“My god. That was awkward.” You choke, and you really can’t stop laughing. The situation is too ridiculous.

“I’m afraid we did get locked out, though.” Lexa laughs. She stands up, trying to lift her jeans. She offers her hand to you and pulls you up, the laughter still visible in her eyes.

This. This is why you love this woman. The look on her face right there. The gentle, kind, happy, carefree look, the small smile and the playfulness, but also a caring look. Her face, her eyes so intoxicating, you know you will fall for her. Maybe you already have. You don't even care about her past, or what she does for a living. 

You stand still for a moment, taking in the picture in front of you and you are truly grateful that you have a photographic memory.

Lexa’s eyes are soft when she closes them – leaning in to kiss you gently. Her hands on your hips, you wrap your own around her neck.

“Let’s figure out a way to escape this place.” You smirk, taking her hand in yours. You ignore how perfect it feels, her slender fingers wrapping around your own smaller ones. You ignore how safe it makes you feel.

You quickly put on your turtleneck before dragging her to the door. It is, indeed, locked.

“Fuck.” You mutter, but you cannot bring yourself to feel bad about this. You are with Lexa and right now that is all you truly care about.

“Clarke?” Lexa’s voice sounds vulnerable and you turn to look her in the eyes.

“Do you regret it?” Lexa shrugs and looks down at her feet, as if she’s afraid of something. You know you don’t regret it; you just hope she doesn’t either.

“Do you?” you whisper, taking a step closer as you tuck a strand of hair behind Lexa’s ear.

The brunette looks back up, finding your eyes immediately and you smile reassuringly.

She shakes her head. “You said, before you were about to leave, your fiancé died a few months ago. I’m really sorry, Clarke, I hope I haven’t crossed any lines.”

You smile when she spills her worry. You love how careful she is with you, but you hope you can show her it is not necessary at all.

“Lexa.” You just breathe, taking another step closer as you take her face between your hands. “I am sure I don’t regret this. I think I need this, I need you.” You press a gentle kiss against her lips. “For now.”

The words are toxic in your mouth, but you don’t want to break your agreement. You agreed to one night. You think you feel the other woman cringe slightly, but she doesn’t show it on her face.

“Are you sure?” Her green eyes are so intriguing, you feel yourself losing in them.

“I am sure.” You smile again, and you wrap your arms around her to pull her into a hug.

It’s a weird feeling – feeling so strong for someone you just met. But it feels so right, so good that you can’t fight it, even if you wanted to.

She reciprocates, her arms snaking around your waist as she buries her face into your neck.

You just look over the city, your nose in her hair, inhaling her scent. You feel blessed, for the first time in months. Years even, perhaps.

“Shall we now find a way off the roof?” you laugh. You hope you will survive on your pumps tonight.

“We could just bang on the door, you know.” Lexa smirks, pulling back. There’s no indication on her face that shows the vulnerability she slipped out moments before.

“Yeah, we could.” You grin. “bang.” You add teasingly and Lexa slaps you gently on the arm.

“We just did.”

“Yeah, we did.” You laugh. As Lexa walks up to the door, trying to open it, knocking on it several times, you walk around the edges of the roof, trying to find a fire escape stairs or something and you squeak in excitement when you actually find one.

You jump, calling Lexa’s name, pointing to it and Lexa walks up to you, a wide smile on her face as she inspects the stairs.

“Yup, that’ll do. I’ll go first; I can catch you if you fall.” She simply states.

You raise a brow. “It’s stairs.”

“It’s a high building, Clarke.” Lexa quips, laughing while she checks her pockets. “Do you have everything?”

“Yup.” Popping the ‘p’, you quickly make your way to the stairs, going down first, earning a sarcastic eyeroll from Lexa.

You laugh while walking down. It takes a minute or two before you get downstairs and you notice everyone in the club.

“Should we go say goodbye to your friends?” you ask, once Lexa is down as well. You think you will just send a text or call them later.

“Nah, we can just text them, if that’s okay with you.” Lexa takes your hand in hers and walks you down the almost-empty street.

“Where are we going?” you ask, but you don’t really care, to be honest. You are just happy to spend time with the woman.

“You’ll see.” She tangles her fingers with your own, walking in a gentle pace.

You walk close by, almost shoulder to shoulder. It’s not practical, though, but really it’s all you want.

Your feet hurt, but you ignore the pain. You feel the wind in your face, your hair and you just can’t seem to stop smiling.

You have no idea where you are going – you are not from New York, so you don’t really know the way here. You have been to the bar before, maybe twice.

It’s that your best friend lives here since a short while that you come here sometimes. You love the feeling the city gives you, though. It makes you feel so small, but never really alone. There is always someone else.

You think you see the Brooklyn Bridge in the distance, but you are not sure.

“It’s so beautiful here.” You sigh happily, looking at Lexa before looking up at the skyscrapers in the distance, the sky so clear you can see all the stars.

There’s something magical about it you can’t explain.

“Yeah, I love it here.” Lexa nods, looking down at you for a moment. You stop walking. You are about the same height, now that you are wearing heels. You press Lexa against the wall of a random building, looking around you to see that you are alone and you kiss her once again.

It’s a slow kiss – not demanding or heated. It’s gentle, perfect. You have your hands in her neck, tickling her scalp.

Her hands are to be found on your ass and you smirk when you notice. You press yourself up against her, looking into those green orbs again. All you can see is a reflection of what you are feeling yourself.

There’s nothing unfamiliar in Lexa’s gaze and you feel like you have known her forever.

You tilt your head slightly, meeting her lips in an open-mouthed kiss. Your breath shakes, you are still flabbergasted by it all. Her soft lips, her touches, everything about her drives you crazy, in a good way.

You already feel something between your legs again and you feel like a horny teenager. You just can’t help the fact this woman is the most gorgeous creature ever and that she wants you as well. She wants you.

You rest our forehead against Lexa’s – your breath hitching as your eyes remain closed. There’s a weird connection between you two that you can’t explain. A mutual feeling maybe, chemistry, you have no idea what it is. But you do know, that it is not something you have ever felt before, not even with Finn. It scares you.

You were convinced he was it; the love of your life, your soulmate, if that even existed.

But this feels like more – an indescribable feeling that makes you feel so bloody alive.

You smile again, placing a gentle kiss on her lips before pulling her back from the wall.

The brunette blinks a few times, confused, but not in a bad way. A smile creeps up on her lips and she drags you further along the road.

She drags you to a bar, just a few blocks away from the one you met her. When you walk inside you see that it’s not busy, but cosy enough.

You sit down at the bar, removing your jacket.

“What do you want to drink?” Lexa asks, taking a seat next to you, after shuffling the stool a little closer. Her jacket off, her hair dropping on her shoulder, she looks beautiful in the light of the bar.

“Whatever you’ll have.” You smile, gently pressing your hand against hers, leaning on the bar.

Motioning to the bartender, Lexa orders 2 beers.

“Because anything else will get me drunk.” She laughs. It’s a cute bar; several people are in the booths and the noise is doable.

You only look around shortly, your gaze pulled to the woman next to you.

The bartender places the beers on the bar and winks at you. You smile back before turning your gaze to meet Lexa’s.

“You live here?” you ask, despite having agreed to exchange no personal information.

“In New York, yes. Grew up here.” Lexa smiles and all you want is to know more about her. You want to know if she has siblings, where her parents are, what she’s studying, where she is working, what her favorite colour and movies are.

You want to know it all.

“You?” Lexa doesn’t break eye-contact.

“No personal information, remember?” you tease, sticking out your tongue before taking a sip of your beer.

“I just told you I grew up here, Clarke.” Quirking a brow, you can tell she’s amused, but also curious.

“I grew up in San Francisco.” You smile, not revealing that you actually live in Boston now.

“I love that city.” The smile on the brunette’s face makes your heart flutter.

“Me, too.” You remember growing up there - a big house, close to the beach. Your parents happy, your life perfect with your best friends and all you needed was right there within your reach. Peculiar how everything can change so quickly.

“Are you alright?” Lexa’s soft voice wakens you from your daze.

“Yeah, just... memories.” Smiling, you take another sip of your Heineken.

“What’s your best memory of San Francisco?” her interest makes you smile.

“I don’t have one. I think it’s more in the routines you build over the years. Probably going to the market with my dad every Saturday, or driving around the city in my mom’s Mustang.”

“Your mom has a Mustang?” Lexa’s jaw drops and you smirk.

“Yeah.”

“Dang.”

You let out a snort. Nobody ever said ‘dang’ anymore these days, but somehow it suits Lexa. She always seems like she chooses her words very carefully before ever speaking them and you don’t really understand why. You are such a blabbermouth.

“Tell me about your life in New York.” You insist.

“What is there to know? It’s a big city. Nothing like San Francisco.” Her smile never leaves her lips and you love the way she keeps her mystery alive.

You finish your beer, and you know you want to do something. It’s nice, sitting in a bar, but you just want to be alone with the girl.

A small silence falls between you and the brunette, but you don’t mind. It’s comfortable. Your eyes never leave Lexa.

“There’s an engagementparty tonight.” Lexa’s smile leaves her mouth for a moment.

You are surprised by the sudden reveal. It seems like it is bothering her. You have no idea what the story is, but you can tell it’s not an easy one.

“Are you invited?” you raise your brows in curiosity.

“She invited me. After all those years of not speaking to me, she invited me.” The brunette mutters.

You search in those green eyes. You can almost taste her anger and you wish you had something useful to say. You figure it’s about an ex. A very important ex, since it’s bothering her so much.

“Do you want to go?”

“No. That’s why I went to the sucky party. I don’t want to see her. She left me.” Lexa grumbles, taking a big gulp of her beer. “For a man.”

You blink a few times, not expecting that. “She left you for someone else?” you laugh shortly. “She clearly doesn’t know what she’s missing out on.” You add quickly, shuffling a little closer. You just wish you could take the bad feeling away.

It’s pretty obvious that her past still unsettles the brunette. You smile sadly when you look at her profile – her hair hanging over one shoulder, her eyes looking down at her beer, a sad tug on the corner of her lips. She looks nothing like the happy person one hour ago.

You think of what to say carefully. You don’t want to pry, and you don’t want to make her feel worse about it.

“You are amazing, Lexa. Even after such a short time I can just tell. Don’t let somebody who’s not worth your worry, don’t let her ruin you.”

You take one of her hands between your own and press a soft kiss on it.

Lexa’s smile remains sad, but her eyes are bright and hopeful when they look into your own.

“Costia left me for a man, after claiming for years to be gay.” The brunette giggles behind her hand and you giggle as well. That does sound kind of crazy.

You know for sure that this Costia woman made the biggest mistake of her life by leaving Lexa for a man. You can imagine how painful it could be, someone pretending to be a certain person and then ends up being the exact opposite.

“Why don’t you go?”

“It hurts.” Lexa shrugs, playing with the coaster, one hand still in yours. You gently rub her palm with your thumb.

You tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, as of habit.

She looks up at you, smiling.

“I really want to see the man she left me for. But I can’t stand the thought of seeing her again.”

“Why do you think she invited you?” you wonder aloud.

A sarcastic grin forms the brunettes lips and you don’t like the sight of it. It doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Because she wants me to know how happy she is.” Her voice sounds hurt. You lose your smile and you find it typical that this is the situation.

“Why don’t you go, anyways?” you try, wondering if it would be better if she’d go. But you honestly have no idea.

“Will you be my date?”

“Always.” You simply smile, really curious about the party. You don’t actually think that Lexa wants to go, but she seems to finish her beer quickly, having made up her mind.

“Lexa, are you sure?”

“If she wants to show me that she is happy, I can do the same.” Green eyes search for yours and you know she is talking about you.

“Would you have gone if you hadn’t met me?” you don’t really want to overstep but you need to be sure that this is the right thing to do. You put on your jacket, but you remain on your stool, taking one of the last sips of your beer.

“No.”

“Lexa, I don’t want to bother you, but why would you go now? With me?” you keep looking into her eyes, searching for the answer. You don’t find it.

“Because.. I want to, Clarke. You know how I feel about you.” Lexa lifts herself off her stool and looks down for a moment, before looking back into your eyes. She looks like she is thinking about what to say, very hard.

A small laugh leaves her throat and this time, it reaches her eyes.

“You make me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time. I haven’t been facing the truth; the fact that I was left. I was so angry, all the time. And with you here, I don’t know.” Shrugging again, you feel warm inside. Lexa sounds so honest, so raw and you love that she opens up to you like this, trusting you.

“She hurt me. I made sure that nobody would ever be able to hurt me again. And then there you are, with your angelic face, that intense look in your eyes, looking at me like I’m the world and I can’t..” her eyes fill with water and you get scared. You are afraid you crossed the line.

This night was not supposed to be this personal. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, but still, it feels perfect. You just pray that Lexa will be okay, that Lexa will know that she deserves better than what she is feeling right now.

Lexa coughs awkwardly, standing up. “I’ll be right back.” Her voice cracks, and she quickly escapes to the ladiesroom.

Shaking your head, pursing your lips, you wish that you know what to do. All you can really do is support her for the night. Support her and remind her she is more than this.

You sigh, taking your stuff with you as you collect the courage to follow her into the ladiesroom.

When you arrive, you gently knock.

“Lexa?” you lean your head against the door, not wanting to enter without her consent. You don’t want to cross any lines.

A crying Lexa opens the door, her bottom lip trembling, her eyes piercing green through her tears.

It almost cracks you up seeing her like this. It’s heart-breaking.

You step in, not saying anything. You drop your things and you wrap your arms around her shoulders, holding her tightly.

Hugging her seems to be the foundation of the night, and you love it.

You lean your head against her cheek, your nose in her hair.

“You really don’t have to go.” You whisper, at a loss of something better to say.

“I want to go. I have to face it for once in my life.” Lexa whispers, her voice disappeared.

You pull back slightly, noticing how Lexa’s arms are around your waist.

You wipe her tears away with your thumbs, making her look into your eyes.

“Then I will be there, with you.” You smile, softly kissing her cheek. You feel how she grips your sweater between her fingers, hard. As if she is holding back something.

You understand when Lexa lets out another sob.

“We got this.” You grin, hoping it’ll make her smile. It does. 

“I am underdressed, though. I have to change.” Lexa cracks out. Her voice raspy from the crying, you let go to get some tissues so she could wipe her face.

You are back in no time. She happily accepts and looks into the mirror.

“I live closeby.”

“Why don’t you clean yourself up for a bit, and I’ll pay for our drinks?”

Lexa nods. “Alright. I can do that.”

You smile, press a small kiss on her cheek, as if it’s a habit already. You love it.

“Will I meet you outside?”

“Yes.”

\\\

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone that is interested, this is the playlist I listen to while writing this. Makes it ten times better :p
> 
> It differs in genre, but I figured, sharing music is always important ;) 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3aDiDhD5pHVgMQHO13gAuh?si=ypeJyNaHSiS3Sl1p7p1C7A


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

\\\

“We’d have to get home first. I don’t even know if the party is still going. It’s past midnight.”

“Don’t worry.” You take her hand in yours as you step out of the bar.

“I’m going to have to move now.” Lexa laughs, walking outside on the pavement. Her eyes are still a little reddish, but she looks much better than before. You are glad.

“Let’s just rub your happiness in your ex’ face, shall we.” You chuckle and you notice how Lexa grins slightly. It’s barely a grin, but it’s there.

A comfortable silence falls between you and Lexa. You can tell she’s thinking a lot and all _you_ can think about is making her feel better again.

But you don’t speak; sometimes silence seems better than talking.

The walk to Lexa’s home isn’t long, just a few minutes. You are surprised to find yourself in a decent neighbourhood and you figure it’s not cheap living here.

Lexa tells you to wait outside, promising you to be quick.

You don’t mind waiting outside. You love the cool wind in your face, and you lean against the wall, looking up at the sky.

You wonder how you got here.

Was it fate? Or just plain coincidence?

“Finn?” you whisper, looking up at the sky. You always felt like he was watching you from up there, but now it seems childish.

“Finn, I miss you.” Your shaky voice cracks slightly. You miss him, you really do. But tonight, every time when you looked at Lexa, that pain faded. It faded, and you feel guilty for it, even though everybody would approve of you moving on. Sometimes it just feels too soon.

But now, standing outside of Lexa’s apartment, you know it’s not. You know you want to be here, more than anything. You know you want to be with Lexa, and it makes you feel better.

She’s intoxicating, addictive and you already miss her warmth, miss looking into those green eyes.

You close your eyes, thinking about the roof of the bar. You unconsciously lick your lips when you remember how you had touched her, how she had touched you, too. You can’t stop smiling.

You don’t notice the door open. You don’t hear how Lexa’s heels click when she walks into your direction.

You squeak in surprise when you feel how Lexa pokes you in the sides, a playful look on her face when she stands in front of you.

“You scared the shit out of me.” You now laugh. The sparkle in Lexa’s eyes are so worth getting scared.

“Sorry.” She doesn’t sound like she is. Her lips are quick in meeting yours and you wonder what it is that makes you want to kiss her all the time. Maybe it’s her plumb lips, maybe it’s the green eyes. You have no idea.

You don’t know how long you kiss, but you do know you get lost in it.

Her touches are tender and it melts your heart. The kiss is slow, and you feel how her tongue asks permission to enter your mouth. You happily oblige.

When she pulls back you look at her. She has fixed her make-up, added some lipstick. 

Her outfit hugs her in all the right places – she is wearing a navy blue suit, her slacks ending in wide pipes. Underneath the blazer, she wears a tight white, low-cut blouse that reveals her cleavage and you are pretty sure that you now have a weak spot for women in suits.

She is now taller than you, wearing high heels. She looks like she owns the world – her face stoic, but gentle when she looks at you.

You grin when you enjoy your view. You tug on her arm; begging her to turn for you. She laughs light-heartedly when you see how her slacks are tight enough to reveal her round shaped ass. It’s fucking.. perfect. You simply have no words and you bite your bottom lip.

Playful green eyes meet your blue ones and you wonder how god could have created such a beautiful creature. It just seemed so impossible.

“You literally just took my breath away.” You whisper. You are quick to press a kiss against her lips and you moan into it. You will remember this night for the rest of your life, you are certain.

“Let’s take a cab.” Lexa smiles against your lips and removes herself from you and you hate yourself for letting out a small whiny sound. You hope she doesn’t hear you.

She takes your hand, walking to the end of the pavement. Sticking up her hand, she motions towards a cab.

Lexa opens the door for you, like a true gentlewoman. The cab ride is silent. You can feel that Lexa is nervous – even if she doesn’t show it on her face. You give her all the space she needs, letting her take the lead in touches and talking.

The cab ride isn’t long – after about 10 minutes the cab stops. You have no clue where you are in the concrete jungle. It seems like you have moved somewhere fancier, downtown.

You step out, and when Lexa joins your side, you immediately search for her hand to take in your own. You gently squeeze it.

“It’s right over there.” The brunette nods ahead of you – there’s a fancy bar, some people smoking outside.

You walk closer, until Lexa suddenly stops. You quirk a brow, not understanding until you see the look on her face.

Lexa looks shocked – her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide. You are not sure if she wants to back out, but you get your answer when Lexa takes another step.

“She’s outside. There.” Her head motions to a woman. You walk closer, now close enough to hear what they are talking about.

The woman now notices Lexa, a small smile forming on her lips.

You raise your eyebrows. You can totally see what Lexa used to see in this woman – deep brown mysterious eyes, dirty blonde – very long – hair and a gorgeous, kind smile. She is beautiful. Not as beautiful as Lexa, but beautiful nonetheless. And the worst part is, she actually seems really kind.

She takes a step forward. Wearing a light blue dress, you can tell she also works out.

“Lexa.” She says, her voice comfortable to listen to. Her smile is kind when she moves to look at you.

Lexa simply nods in greeting.

“You must be Hanna.” You smile, purposely giving the wrong name.

“Costia, actually. It’s nice to meet you. You are?”

“Clarke.” You smile as kind as possible but you see in the corner of your eyes that Lexa is slightly amused by you. She at least seems a little bit comfortable.

“I believe congratulations are in order.” Your smile never leaves your face and Costia nods.

“Thank you. You can come inside, follow me.” She winks and you groan internally. You know she has hurt Lexa, but seeing her like that makes it quiet hard to believe.

Lexa’s hand is still in yours when you follow Costia inside. You squeeze it reassuringly, hoping that Lexa is still feeling alright.

It looks expensive inside. There’s a giant chandelier hanging above the dancefloor. There’s a pyramid of champagne near the bar and Costia hands you both a glass.

“Thanks.” You smile. Costia stops walking, turning towards her ex-girlfriend.

“How are you doing, Lex?” she asks, worry in her eyes and you wonder if it’s real or fake. If it’s fake, Costia must be a brilliant actress but you think she’s genuine.

You eye Lexa. She seems comfortable, her face a little stoical, still. You are subtle when you wrap an arm around her waist.

“Actually, Cos, I am doing okay.” Lexa smiles and you are really proud of her. She seems honest, and you just hope that Lexa is indeed okay.

You don’t like the way how their nicknames roll out of their mouths, but it only confirms the type of relationship they had. It must have been real. Like you and Finn.

“Lexa, could I speak to you in private?” Costia seems slightly uncomfortable, but she has the courage to look into Lexa’s eyes.

You look into the brunette’s green eyes. You nod. A silent ‘goodluck’.

Lexa just nods as well.

“Of course.” She adds.

Costia is about to turn around to go somewhere more private, but you stop her by tapping her arm.

“I’ll go outside.” You smile. You squeeze Lexa’s hand one last time, about to leave but she quickly pulls you into a small kiss. You smile, winking at her and you leave.

You pray that Costia won’t hurt Lexa more. You pray that Lexa finally finds closure.

You make your way through the crowd, back outside and you notice a few people smoking. You send a text to your friends that they shouldn’t worry, that you are safe and spending the night elsewhere. You know they will approve.

“You came in with Lexa, didn’t you?” a man asks. The man is not really tall, maybe in his thirties.

His black hair is neatly tucked behind his ears and he has a snaily look about him. His smile is kind, though.

“I did, actually.” Extending your hand, you smile. “I’m Clarke.”

“Cage. I’m the groom.” He laughs and you can’t believe your eyes. Costia left Lexa for this man? He is not ugly but he doesn’t feel trustworthy and he is really just… average.

“Well congratulations then!” you smile, taking your hand back.

“So when is the wedding?” you keep asking. You know how to be social.

“It’s 2 months from now. Costia wants it big.” Cage laughs and you laugh with him, taking a sip of your champagne.

“Well, I can imagine wanting a big wedding. It suits you perfectly.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t have much of a choice.” his laughter reveals that he is probably drunk.

“So you know Lexa?” you ask curiously.

“Yeah, I worked with her in the past. Look, you probably know that Costia and Lexa… have a past.” He mutters. He doesn’t seem to pleased about it and you are curious where this will go.

“I do, actually. I don’t believe she knows that you are the groom, though.” You raise your brow.

“She will hate me.” He slurs slightly, leaning into you, way too close for your liking. You accept it, though, telling yourself it’s only because he’s drunk.

“I don’t think she has place in her heart for hate, Cage.” You smile, but it’s a fake one. You don’t feel comfortable anymore. He is still way too close, and you still wonder why the hell Cage. Why leave Lexa for a man like him? 

“You are really kind, you know that.” He laughs again, his sad exterior disappearing as quickly as it appeared.

“So I’ve been told.”

All he does is smile. He presses a kiss to your cheek, before you have a change to back out. He smells like alcohol and before you know it he is being pulled away.

“What the fuck.” A furious Lexa is holding Cage by his collar, her eyes burning with anger.

“Lexa!” Cage laughs, but before he can say more, Lexa hits him in the face, hard.

You let out a snort. It’s too perfect for words. People outside fall quiet, an embarrassed Costia behind Lexa.

You watch how Cage falls to the ground and you feel the awkwardness in the air.

“Sorry, Cos.” Lexa shoots an apologetic look at the woman and turns to you, quickly tucking you by her side and walking away from the small crowd.

“What the fuck?” you say in surprise. You hadn’t expected that all.

“He kissed you.” Lexa sounds mad, protective and you find it quite adorable.

“On the cheek.”

“He kissed you, Clarke. It’s one thing that he steals my girlfriend, but another when he tries to kiss you.” Lexa mutters. “Are you alright?” she asks. You just nod, a smile on your face.

The way Lexa protected you makes you smile widely. Your heart skips a few beats. You don’t say anything.

You walk, away from the bar. When you are around a corner, you stop Lexa.

“What happened with Costia?” you ask, trying to calm an enraged Lexa down. You love how passionate she gets when she is angry.

You see how Lexa’s eyes get slightly watery. You love how she breaks down, showing her vulnerability. It makes her such a strong person.

“She apologised. She told me that she has regretted it every day after she left.”

“No wonder with such an asshole.” You mumble and you see a grin appear on her face.

“Yeah. Well, I don’t think they will continue with the wedding.” Shrugging, Lexa leans against the wall of the building you stand close to.

“How do you feel?”

“Relieved. She can go fuck herself.”

“That’s the spirit.” You laugh, Lexa joining you soon. “Did she beg you to come back to her?”

“Actually, I think she did, yeah.” Grinning, Lexa pecks your lips. You feel safe. It comforts you, the thought that Lexa turned Costia down, even though it’s obvious how much she still cares. You love how protective Lexa got when it happened with Cage.

“How did that make you feel?” you ask, simple curiosity taking over.

“Happy. Happy that we aren’t together anymore. I realised she isn’t for me, not at all.” Her green eyes meet your gaze. It looks slightly different than before – maybe more secure, more self-assured.

“But you loved her.” You nod in understanding.

“I loved her.”

The smile on Lexa’s face is wider than you have ever seen.

You really want to say it. You really want to say you love her but you can’t. It’s ridiculous and you feel like it’s a trap, but how could a trap feel so fucking good?

You can’t stop looking at her. And she doesn’t seem to be able to stop looking at you.

“Thank you.” Lexa’s voice is quiet and gentle. Genuine mostly.

“Always.” You can’t stop yourself when you capture her lips with your own – she is addictive and you need her so badly. You need her and you know you want more than just tonight. But you can’t, you need to heal. You need to become yourself before you start something, especially with someone like Lexa.

Her hands are folding behind your head, arms leaning on your shoulders.

You can’t stop kissing her. She is fucking with your head, with your heart.

“Can I show you something?” Lexa pulls back slightly, but then you notice her hand is bleeding.

You take it in your own.

“You can. But let me take care of this first.” You smile. You adore how Lexa had punched Cage in his face. It was hot and badass, and it made you so proud for some weird reason.

Nodding, Lexa understands.

“We need to find a shop though, I don’t have any bandages on me.” You look around, but you can’t identify a shop in the street you are in.

It’s quiet on the streets – maybe two handful of people are walking around. It’s peaceful in a big city like this.

Lexa just simply smiles, taking her not injured hand to take yours, guiding you a few blocks until you find a 24h shop.

You walk inside, looking around. You buy some disinfection fluid, bandages and other stuff to clean the cut on the brunette’s hand.

You also buy some drinks, because you notice you are getting a little thirsty.

You walk around the store, but you don’t find anything else that could be of use.

You walk to the register, a kind man that barely speaks English smiles awkwardly at you.

You pay, give him a little tip and move back outside, to find Lexa leaning against the wall.

She doesn’t notice you walking outside. You stop to look for a moment, taking in the moment.

You love how she went from a rebellious girl to a mature, almost business woman in her suit. You wonder what she does for work.

Her curly hair is gently waving in the wind, a small smile appearing on the corner of her lips when she finally notices you.

“Hey.” She says, walking up to you, and you swallow. Even in the light of the store, the darkness of the night taking over, you still see how her eyes sparkle. Her stance is fierce and she looks relieved. You think it’s because of what happened to Costia, but you are not sure.

“I saw a snackbar across the street. Maybe we can eat something while you take care of my hand.” Her smile still small, you grin back at her. It’s weird how you still aren’t tired of this woman. But then again, you don’t think you ever will be.

You walk side by side, to said snackbar. Lexa orders some fries for you and sits down at the small bar behind the window, offering them a view of the dark street.

It’s only you and Lexa and the snackbar manager. Nobody else.

You start eating quietly, simply enjoying the brunettes company. You have to admit that your thoughts are everywhere.

You wonder how it will be, saying goodbye. You wonder if you will think about her a lot and you mostly wonder if you will be able to let her go.

Because, Finn. This is one night, you tell yourself. One night, letting go. A start of moving on. You know that one night is more than enough. You know that you are not ready for commitment and you wonder why you are even thinking about it.

Lexa is definitely relationship material, you realize. You also realize you promised to never see her again after this night and it hurts. You remember where she lives, but you have to forget it. You can’t know this. You hate that Lexa took you to her place.

You are glad she let you stay outside, though. You feel your heart ache at the thought of leaving for home. You have an appointment tomorrow and you know you have to catch your train in time.

It hurts.

More than you care to admit. You are attached to this woman on a level you can’t comprehend. It’s more than just a feeling and you don’t know how to explain it.

You hope you are ready to let her go when the time comes.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Lexa’s voice is soft, careful even. You meet her eyes.

“I was thinking about leaving in the morning.” Your smile doesn’t reach your eyes and you can tell that she hasn’t thought about that moment yet. Her face falls, just slightly. You feel bad for bringing it up.

“When do you leave?” she bites her lips, looking down at her own fries.

“I have to take a train at 8. It leaves from Grand Central.” You calculate. The train ride is a few hours and you want to be in time for lunch.

“I’ll take you to the station at 7:45.” The brunette avoids eye-contact. You sigh disappointedly.

“We have still more than half of the night left, if you still want to spend it with me.” You mumble. You finish your fries, cleaning your own hands before taking her hand in your own to clean the wound with the supplies you just bought.

Her skin is soft, her movements tender. It takes a few minutes before she finally looks up, back into your eyes. She just nods, her eyes serious.

She flinches when you touch her wound. It’s a small, but deep cut and you wonder how much strength Lexa has that gave her such a big wound, just by hitting someone.

You hear her breathe, it’s uneven. Her hand feels tense and you stop what you’re doing, looking her in the eyes, gently caressing her hand.

“Thank you.” You say. You don’t even know what you thank her for but you just do.

“What for?” surprise in her green, green eyes, you smile.

“For tonight.”

Lexa’s free hand makes its way up to your right cheek. You lean into her touch, feeling the warmth and comfort that it gives you. You close your eyes and you smile.

“I will remember this night for the rest of my life.” You whisper.

“Me too, Clarke. Me too.” her voice small, you open your eyes again. There’s a pain in her eyes that you don’t recognize.

You don’t really know what to say, so you continue cleaning up the wound. It doesn’t look like it needs stitches so you carefully wrap a bandage around it.

You stop when her fingers hold your hand, making you look up with questioning eyes.

“Thank you, too.” Lexa smiles. Her eyes start to sparkle again and you figure she gave herself a motivational speech. Or maybe she made a decision, you don’t exactly know.

“For tonight?”

“For coming with me to Costia’s engagement party. For helping me move on.” Her smile is infectious.

You don’t say anything, you just lean in to rest your forehead against hers. Her eyes flutter closed and you do the same.

You feel how her lips search for yours. This kiss is nothing like before – it’s slow, painful but also quite caring and there’s more behind it than before.

It feels like you try to kiss away your pain.

“You said you wanted to show me something.” You whisper, pulling back, finishing up the bandage.

“Yes.”

“How’s your hand?” you ask, cleaning up the small bar and throwing away the used stuff.

“Hurts.” Lexa shrugs, standing up, ready to leave. Her expression is quite neutral and you wonder what she is thinking about.

Once outside, you are glad it’s not too cold. The wind is not comfortably warm but it’s doable. Usually, around this time of the night you were just about finished crying yourself to sleep.

It’s the first night since Finn’s death that you actually smile. You smile like your life depends on it but nothing can stop you.

“It’s not far from here.” Lexa murmurs, lacing her long fingers with yours, walking down the streets.

“Do you like jazz?” she glances at you for a moment before focussing on the streets again and it makes you chuckle inside.

“I do, actually. I love it. I don’t listen often but when I do, it can make me very happy.”

“Good.” Lexa smiles, and falls silent. You enjoy the walk. You are downtown, walking around in New York City and it’s true that this city never sleeps.

The further you walk downtown, the more people are actually awake, even in the middle of the night. Now it’s weekend, but still.

It’s beautiful. The skyscapers make you feel small, but when you focus on Lexa’s hand in yours, it fades.

The streets are lit, cabs driving around and people chattering. It fills your heart, being here with this certain brunette.

You have no idea where you are going. Lexa guides you through the city and you forget your feet are hurting. You keep stealing glances of the woman next to you and your heart keeps fluttering when your eyes meet.

You adore her.

You think about how lucky you are, until Lexa stops, standing in front of an old theatre building.

“Wow.” You breathe. The building is old and not as big as the rest of the street, but it’s been maintained quite well. It’s a beautiful contrast – the old building in the middle of the modern concrete jungle.

“Come on.” Lexa tucks you by her side and she open the door.

“It’s open?” your eyes widen and you drop your jaw when you walk inside.

It seems bigger on the inside than on the outside. The hall is big – barely lit as the chandelier on the ceiling is turned off. The marble floor is covered in an old red carpet and on the left is an old register with a golden fence.

On the right is a wardrobe and in the middle is a hallway that leads to a giant wooden door. It’s a truly gorgeous building.

“It hasn’t been used in years. They want to take it down to build something else – but there are these people.” Lexa starts. “Some people from my old work. They are in a jazz band and they don’t want the theatre to be taken down. They made an arrangement with the city council to keep it up, they kind of own it now.”

“People from a jazzband? How could they afford it?” you still have your jaw dropped slightly. You love this. You love how people want to keep a building that makes this city for what it is.

“They bought it by holding a fundraising gala.” Lexa smiles.

It’s then, when you stand in front of the wooden doors, that you hear music coming from it. Jazz.

“They are all retired. They play all night on Saturdays, sometimes even going through until it’s morning.” Lexa gently chuckles as she pushes one of the doors open.

You enter a big hall – and you see a band on the stage. Several people are sitting in the audience, but they don’t look like they belong there. The audience is about 10 people maybe, while there are probably hundreds of people that could fit into it.

“Wow.” You whisper and you smile when you hear the jazz music. Lexa pulls you down in a chair, in the last row of red chairs.

“So you know them?” you whisper, leaning into Lexa as you enjoy the gentle sound of the music. It calms you down a little bit.

“Yeah. They invited me once. I’ve been coming here at least once a month since.” The brunette whispers back and leans into you as well, your shoulders touching, your hands gently tangling. You lean your head against hers, and you sigh happily. You love this place already. There is something about the music and the half-secrecy of having a band in an old theatre.

The music is pretty good too – they mostly play covers but it sounds stunning.

When you turn your head to look at Lexa, her eyes are fixated on the stage and a small smile plays on her lips. She enjoys this. And you enjoy it, too.

“Why did you take me here?” you whisper, forcing her to look into your eyes.

“It’s my favourite spot in this entire city. I just wanted to show you.” She shrugs and you smile when you press a gentle kiss against her lips.

You hover over her lips longer than anticipated. You have no idea why the thought that Lexa wanted to show you her favourite place makes you feel all giddy and happy. Your heart skips a few beats and you feel slightly nervous, in a good way.

You know you feel way too much for this woman. You know you’ve already gotten in too deep, but you can’t make yourself leave. You can’t rip yourself apart again, not when you still have a few hours left. You don’t want to leave, ever.

Lexa makes you feel so safe, so cared for and the way she handles you shows you her heart is too big for this fucked up world. Her heart is in the perfect place and it almost makes you cry. You wish you could be there for her, you wish you would be able to make her feel like she deserved – happy and loved.

But you know you are not capable; not yet.

“Are you okay?” her hand cups your cheek and you have no idea when you started crying softly.

“I’m perfect.” You smile through your tears, capturing her lips again. It’s the best feeling in the world and you wish you could do it forever.

Lexa reciprocates softly, trying to slide down slightly to give you some privacy.

Her hand tangles in your hair when she presses her lips harder on yours. She teases your bottom lip with her teeth and it’s too hot for words. You hold in a small moan and you chuckle when you realize where you are.

You turn your head back, leaning into the chair to enjoy the music again.

Lexa moves – throwing her arm around your shoulder, pulling you close as you press yourself against her, settling comfortably.

You just find yourself at peace and you know this is how it’s supposed to feel like.

You don’t notice you’re dozing off.

\\\


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, another chapter, again. Already tired of it or not? 
> 
> Just wondering, who of you still watches the show? I do, but only because of Clarke & Raven. I need to know if they get a happy ending or not ..... Raven been through so much shit......
> 
> Anyways, if you love Raven, I'll make sure to give her some more scenes (is it called scenes if it's written?) in the seque

\\\

You feel a nudge on your shoulder, and you whine. You don’t want to wake up, you are so comfortable in Lex- fuck!

You shoot up, your eyes wide as you realize where you are. An older man stands beside you and you glance shortly at a still sleeping Lexa beside you.

“We are locking it for tonight.” The man smiles. His eyes are kind and you can tell that he didn’t want to wake you.

You smile back. “I’ll wake her up.”

“I didn’t want to wake you there. I hope our music wasn’t too boring for you.” He softly chuckles. He is tall for an elderly man – skinny and you can tell he’s a painter; oilpaint stains on his fingers.

“It was lovely, actually. She brought me here and I have to say – this place is great.” You motion around you and you can see that the man is happy that you like it so much.

“Lexa over there was actually the one pointing the building out to us, she knew we’d be up for it.” He grins proudly and you smile widely. It doesn’t surprise you at all that Lexa is so involved.

“I’m Dante.” The man extends his hand and you take it gladly. His genuine smile reaches his blue eyes.

“Clarke. You are a painter.” You say and his grin only grows.

“Are you, too?” he asks curiously and he sits down at the other side of the isle, not seeming to be in a rush.

“I mostly draw, but I love painting as well.” You nod. “How long have you known Lexa?”

Dante shrugs. “I think we met when she was a teenager. This rebellious kid that didn’t seem to fit in. She never brought anyone with her here, before.”

“Oh.” You feel slightly uncomfortable under his teasing gaze but there’s something nice about Dante that makes it fade a bit.

Handing you a set of keys, Dante stands up. “Tell her to lock it up and that she will take the keys here next time.” He smiles, teasingly pats your shoulder and leaves the hall before you can say more.

You sigh a bit, taking in this new information about Lexa. You have no idea how long she has been coming here but being the only one she brought makes you feel something.

Lexa’s head leans against the back of her chair, her mouth pursed, and her eyes squeezed closed in a frown.

Even a sleeping Lexa takes your breath away.

You don’t want to wake her. You feel weird that Dante left his keys with you but apparently he trusts Lexa. You do, too.

You watch her sleep for a moment more, not being able to bring it up to wake her.

You print this image in your head.

You try to think of a way to wake her up, in her peaceful slumber.

You just go with a kiss. You heart skips a beat when you feel her stir, smiling into the kiss. She deepens it quickly, making you moan before you even know it. You think you hear something bubbling in her throat as well.

She is so intoxicating. So careful, so loving. Your tongues fight, your lips hurting but you don’t care. You want to be as close to this woman as possible.

She startles you when she suddenly shoots up. It makes you laugh, and you figure she had forgotten where she was.

“Sorry.” Her chuckle is light and innocent, and you love the look on her face. It’s precious.

“Where is everybody?” her voice a little thick with sleep, you smile at her. You stick up your hand, dangling keys in it.

“An older guy named Dante gave me this.” You smirk, giving her the keys. When your fingers touch, your skin sends small electric shocks through your arm and you are surprised to feel it. You have touched her a million times tonight and it still feels like the first time.

You see something like recognition in her eyes.

“He asked if we could lock it up, and if you would bring the keys back soon.”

Lexa just nods, seeming to think of something. She is clearly over her sleep when she jumps up. “Come on.”

She grabs your hand, quickly walking towards the exit of the room, her long hair waving behind her in her rush.

You are truly amused. She surprises you with her antics and you love it.

You run behind her, for as far as you can with your heels on. But you suck it up, Lexa is running on heels, too.

She takes you upstairs, to the highest balcony in the hall. She drops herself into a comfortable looking chair. You fall next to her. She already tucks you by her side, her arm wrapping protectively around your shoulder. You could get used to this. You really could.

“They usually don’t allow us up here.” She smirks, holding you close.

“This is higher than it looks like from down there.” You chuckle in amusement, looking into such beautiful green eyes.

“It is.” She smiles, leaning against you, perfectly fitting side by side. You love how good it feels.

You also love the view from here. The theatre is so big, so classic you can’t get over it. Beautiful.

“This building dates from 1907.” The brunette starts, as if she’s reading your mind. “They started building in the late 1800’s, but they never managed to finish it before the twentieth century.” She almost rambles. She knows her history and you love listening to hear her speak.

“More than a hundred years old.” you mumble. “Amazing.”

“This was George Gershwin’s favourite place.” She adds quickly. You know who it is.

“Really?” you are surprised. But you seem to surprise her more as she quirks a brow at you.

“You know who George Gershwin is?”

You are proud to actually know something Lexa knows, too. “I don’t really know any music, but I know who it is.” You smile.

There’s a playful look in her green eyes. “He somehow managed to mix jazz with classical music. Great man.” She shows off her teeth by smiling and you wish she’d do it all the time. “He performed here several times in the late 1920’s.”

You think of it. It was almost a hundred years ago. It never ceases to amaze you, the concept of time.

Before you know it, Lexa jumps up again. She stands, offering you her hand. You take it gladly, wondering what her plan is this time and you follow her, nickering the whole time, when she stumbles over her own feet in enthusiasm.

She makes you laugh so hard.

She takes you to the stage. It’s fucking huge, once you stand on it. Lexa takes her phone, clearly looking around for something.

She lets out a cute ‘aha’ when she finds it and you curiously stand behind her as she seems to be putting on some music.

Suddenly, there’s a happy jazz song playing. You don’t know it, but you can hear it’s old.

You let out a snort of laugher when Lexa gracefully grabs you, swinging over the stage as she holds you like a ballroom dancer. It’s fucking adorable how she laughs, her eyes so carefree, joy written all over her face. Desire runs through your veins when she spins you around.

You. Are. So. Fucking. Happy right now.

She swirls you around, you try to spin as smooth as possible but when she pulls you back, you fly into her, eliciting a cute ‘umpf’. You laugh your eyes out.

She looks at you, all heart eyes and you are not sure if anyone has ever looked at you the way she does.

You are sure that she is smoother than you in her movements. She tries, and she looks good in her suit doing it. Her hair dances around her face and her hands are high. You want to remember this forever.

The song is short, though. You are glad for it, because you are lightly panting of all the jumping around.

An easy jazz song starts playing, and if it’s normal, you shuffle closer to the brunette, folding your hands behind her neck. She pulls you close, her arms circling around your waist. You are drowning in her eyes. Your gaze however, is pulled to her pink, plumb lips. So fucking kissable.

She must have seen it, because she leans in, her lips soft on yours as you immediately open your mouth for her to enter. Your fingers tangle in her hair as the kiss grows intense.

Her body pressed against yours, you can feel her hips. You can feel her movements, as you still sway gently to the beat of the song.

You brush your nose against hers as she moves to switch side. It’s endearing. Her lips tremble against yours and you kiss her with all that you have.

You adore her.

“Shall we move this dancing party somewhere else?” you ask teasingly, knowing how Lexa can respond to your low voice. You can tell that she is turned on and it amuses you, even though you are probably just as turned on as she is.

“Somewhere like?” she asks, not letting you go. You feel so safe in her arms.

“A club?” you want to dance, with Lexa, all fucking night. Somehow it feels like it’s everything you need. You love the feeling of freedom it gives you, a sense that you can just… be.

“I know just the one.” The brunette smirks, but she is quick to kiss you again. You love the feeling of her plumb lips on your own and she is the most amazing kisser you have probably ever encountered.

“Good.” You smile up at her, admiring her beauty for a moment.

She lets you go, grabbing her phone to turn off the music. She takes your hand in hers, taking you outside. She locks the doors, and you can’t help yourself when you keep kissing her while you follow her through the city. She is just so beautiful and you want more.

You feel how Lexa holds your elbow with her hand, holding you as close as possible. You enjoy the proximity.

“What did you think of the theatre?” she suddenly asks, glancing at you.

“I don’t know, I’ve never really been to something like that before. I loved it.” You smile genuinely. You did love it. You love how Lexa wasn’t ashamed to take you there. It feels intimate, knowing something about Lexa that not many people do. “I also love that you chose to bring me there. Dante told me that you always go there alone.”

You see an amused smile appearing on Lexa’s face, with an eye-roll following. You chuckle.

“Well… yeah, I guess that’s true.” She starts. “But you know, I wanted to show you.”

“I’m really glad.” You smile, bringing up your hand to caress the one holding your elbow.

“There is just something about that place that relaxes me. It’s a great place to think.” Her voice soft, she looks forward, as if she is almost embarrassed to confess this. Your thoughts immediately shift to your own spot. Back home, you have a similar place you go to when you need to be alone, which is quite a lot lately.

It’s mostly because of Finn. You go there a lot to think of him and you know it helps when you don’t hide from your feelings.

“I have a place like that, too, back home.” You confess now, earning a curious look from the brunette. “I go there a lot, lately. Ever since… ever since Finn died I suppose I need that place. It’s one of the few places of which I actually have no memory of him.”

It hurts, talking about him like that. But when you meet those green eyes looking at you, like she is trying to understand, nothing but compassion and love in them, you feel safe. It hurts less and less when you think of him and you know that this night is a breakthrough. All because of her.

“How?” Lexa then asks. “How do you move on?”

You shrug, smiling slightly, looking down at your feet. It’s so hard to explain so you search for the words.

“You’ve probably heard of the stages of grief?” you then ask, looking up. You can’t help but feel like you are going to cry. It’s because you realize how much you actually miss Finn sometimes.

Lexa looks like she regrets her question, stepping closer to pull you closer by your shoulders. “I have. Look, you don’t have to answer the question.”

You ignore her comment. You don’t mind explaining to her. “I’ve come to a point where I accepted that I would never see him again.” You whisper, realizing that that moment wasn’t all too long ago. You lean against her, feeling somewhat relief washing over you as her arms hold you close.

“I admire you for that.” You hear her mumble. It makes you smile. It’s such a typical thing of her to say, it comforts you more than you think it does.

Your heart skips a beat when her eyes flutter closed, her face moving slowly towards yours to press the gentlest kiss against your lips. You move yours slowly against hers, needing the contact. Needing her lips on yours, you take her bottom lip between yours, then letting it go as you pull back. You can’t stop smiling.

She uncovers weird things in yourself that you didn’t know existed. It’s only for the good, because you notice how thinking of Finn becomes easier with the minute.

It’s not that you don’t feel guilty, or hurt that he is gone. You don’t really know what it is. Maybe peace. Maybe knowing how much he would want you to move on.

“You’re quite amazing, Lexa.” You smile, tangling your fingers with hers. You want to dance, so you guide her down the road so she can show you the way to the club she wanted you to go to.

It takes a while when you arrive at the club, but you are having the time of your life. You feel so damn free. You are with someone that just makes you feel so safe right now, happy even. And you need it to be her.

When you arrive at the club, you go inside quickly. Lexa has a good taste – you always go to similar clubs. It’s dark, but the lights that are there, are blue. The music is good. Loud, but good. It’s quite a big room and you see people dancing around.

You approve. You spot the bar and you drag Lexa there, in need for a drink. You order four shots. When they arrive, Lexa downs them quickly and you do the same thing.

You also need a normal drink, so you just order two Liquor 43 with sprite, hoping that Lexa likes that.

You can already feel yourself getting tipsy and you notice how it only makes you happier. You are so focused on the brunette.

She drinks the drink quickly, and you can tell she likes it. Then, she leans down.

“Locker!” she yells and you nod. She smiles, taking your hand in hers, guiding you through the crowd. It is quite hot in here and you are glad that Lexa had opted for the lockers. You could just take off your sweater and go in your sleeveless shirt.

Once there, Lexa throws a coin in the locker, taking of her blazer to put it in there. She leaves on her blouse, rolling up her sleeves while she motions with her head for you to put your jacket in there.

You take off your jacket and your sweater, making sure you still have your phone with you. You can see Lexa’s gaze roaming over your body and it makes you smile.

Then, she turns, her hand taking yours again. She takes you to the dancefloor, pressing you close against her, smiling the whole time.

She is so beautiful. You can’t help yourself when you capture her lips with your own, your tongues meeting in an instant.

She kisses you hard. But then, she pulls back and you throw a seductive smile at her.

You press your back into her front. You can’t help it but sway your hips, her hot breath in your neck as her hands guide your hips back into hers. You feel how she moves with you and you lean your head back, moving together on the beat.

You enjoy this to no end, her lips pressing light kisses into your neck while your hips move. At some point, she spins you around, capturing your lips with hers and your hands fold behind her head, and you both still move slightly to the beat.

When she loosens herself from you, you can tell that she is lightly tipsy. The way she looks at you, her smile wide as she sways her hips. Her dance moves are truly better than you would’ve imagined and you know you are staring at her.

Her blouse creeps up, showing just a little bit of her tanned skin. You almost drop your jaw when she spins flawlessly and you wonder where she taught this.

The smooth way her hips sway makes you want her. Badly. Even on her heels she is so fucking smooth it almost makes your mouth water. Her curls jump around her face and you can tell that she attracts attention.

You are quick to join her again – you want her and her only. You pull her close, pressing one leg between hers and you move in sync, pressing your forehead against hers. It’s magical and weird and you can tell by the buzz in your head that you are drunker than she is. You want her.

She is so sexy. She moves with grace and guides you through the songs, spinning you around before pressing you against her. You feel her almost grind against you and you are so glad right now that you don’t have a penis. It drives you crazy.

You can’t help yourself anymore. You drag her off the dancefloor, into the ladiesroom. You make sure that you are the only ones there, lock the door and slam her against it (gentle enough not to hurt her) and you meet her lips in a hot open-mouthed kiss. You press your leg between hers, against her centre and you know she wants it when she moans and sinks into your touches.

Your hands roam over her body and you kiss her deeply. Your tongue fights its way into her mouth and her groans are so fucking worth it. She is fucking intoxicating.

Her hands make their way under your top, cupping your breasts as you gasp. You fucking need the touch. She drives you crazy.

You feel how her leg is also placed between yours and you grind onto it, your breath hot and erratic. Your kisses shorter because you need to catch your breath.

Her hand making its way between your bodies – even though they are pressed together closely. Her hand, tucking open your jeans, quickly sliding into it and you try to hold back a moan, but it escapes.

You shiver when you feel her hand sliding against your centre and you throw your head back in pleasure. She makes you so fucking wet, it’s insane. You press kisses against her jaw, in her neck and you love that you have her pinned against the door, yet she is dominating you. You don’t like _that_ , though. You want to be in charge.

You grab her hand, taking it out of your jeans as you pin her against the door. For a moment, she looks at you, her green eyes filled lust and want. You kiss her once more, before taking her into your arms. You move, your face pressed against her neck, kissing and nipping.

Your free hand makes its way into her suit pants and you are quick to slide a few fingers into her. As soon as you enter her, a moan escapes her throat and she grips onto you tightly. You love how wet she already is for you.

You pump into her slowly, but you know you must hurry up – you are in the ladiesroom after all.

You pump harder and Lexa forces you to kiss her, her tongue desperate to find yours. It’s so fucking hot.

You love how her walls clench around your fingers and you know she is close by the way she squeezes her eyes and the way her lips part as she breathes.

You hear the music through the door but her moans are the only thing you are focused on. She doesn’t hold back. It’s the most beautiful thing you have ever seen, when she throws her head against the door, her face beautiful when she comes to her orgasm. “Fuck, Clarke!” her voice deep and sexy when she moans your name. She bucks her hips into you, riding out her high.

It turns you on even more. She doesn’t waste any time. When she recovers from her orgasm, she spins you around, now you the one to be pinned against the door. She is fast when she kisses you down your neck, towards your boobs.

She is smooth when she kisses the swell of your breast, just above the hem of your shirt. You tangle your hands in her hair, letting you enjoy the moment as you close your eyes.

You feel her breath over your body and you shiver. She moves back up, though, her plumb lips on yours immediately. Her tongue searches for yours and you moan into it. You love how close she is to you, her body pressed against yours.

You feel her hand moving to your jeans, trying to tug it aside so she can put her hand in it. Only the idea sends an electric shock of pleasure through your centre and you need fucking friction.

You want her closer. You wrap one leg around her hips, earning you a surprised glare. You lean in, one hundred percent sure your pupils are blown by now.

“Fuck me, Lexa.” You whisper in her ear and you can feel her shiver. It makes you smirk.

You feel how she cups your ass with her hand, her other finally sliding against the place you need it the most. It could be the alcohol, but you are so worked up already. You need her touches.

She groans the moment she touches you down there. You roll your eyes in pleasure when her fingers slide into you, curling inside you at the exact right spot. Your grip on her shoulders tightens, you grit your teeth. You moan deeply as you feel how your body responds to Lexa’s slender fingers.

She pumps into you, and you are so fucking close to coming. You grind into her because you need more friction and the moans she lets out are driving you insane. You pull her closer by her neck, needing her dominant lips on yours. You fucking need her. It’s rough – seeming like a typical quicky. But it feels so fucking amazing, whatever it is she is doing to you. Not only physically, she is messing with your head.

When she adds a finger you moan insanely hard, but you don’t even try to stop it. You want her to hear it, you want her to hear what she does to you. Your arms around her shoulders, you are so. fucking. close.

You pant, you moan and you grind, hard. You feel her fingers curl inside you and you come undone. You feel how you are even squirting a little, meaning the orgasm is too fucking good to be true. You pant, you press your face into her neck. You grind into her fingers, riding out your orgasm steadily.

She holds you close, but only shortly. The look she gives you is incredibly hot – it’s dominant and demanding. She kneels in front of you, taking her hand out of you.

You think you know what she is about to do. She tucks your jeans down and before you know it, she is sucking on your clit, sending you almost already over the edge again. You shiver hard. “Lexa, I’ll fall.” You say shakily, looking down at brown curls.

Her eyes are so fucking green when she looks up to you, steadying you with ease. She is fast when she moves back, sucking on your clit. You have to lean on her heavily because your body is out of control. Your knees buckle as you feel how her tongue teases you. You can’t stop moaning, your throat already aching.

As soon as her fingers enter you again, you feel a jolt of pleasure through your body, making your vision blur slightly.

“Fuck!” you yell, and your body grinds into her face as if it has a mind of its own. You are so close. She pumps hard, and you feel how the orgasm builds, even stronger than the first one.

You come, hard. Somehow, as soon as you collapse, your body giving in, Lexa is smooth to stand up, holding you. You are sure that you would have fallen if she wouldn’t support you. Her fingers are still inside of you and you roll your hips into them lightly. Your centre is so fucking sensitive right now.

“Fuck. I have to clean myself now.” You realize, not really minding because this is probably the best mind-blowing sex you have ever had. Especially in a fucking bathroom in a club. You press a few kisses against her swollen lips.

Her after-sex look is gorgeous. The way her green eyes sparkle when they look at you. The way her hair is a total mess, but completely sexy at the same time.

“Did you like it?” she asks, holding you tightly into a hug. You don’t mind leaning into her. You lean your head on her shoulder, smiling widely. “I love it. You?”

“Me too, Clarke.” She sounds genuine, pecking your lips as she pulls back. She carefully checks if you are able to stand and guides you to a toilet stand.

“Go clean yourself. I’m…” she coughs awkwardly and you can’t help but chuckle. “I’ll do the same over here.”

You go in, locking the door. You try to clean yourself as best as you can, since she made you fucking squirt. Thank god it’s not really in your jeans.

You hear how Lexa finishes before you, exiting her stall. When you open your own stall, you see her leaning against a wall with the most intriguing smirk on her face. Your heart flutters at the sight.

You wash your hands. You see that you are still alone and you are quick to pull Lexa into a hot kiss. She leans into it, letting out one of her sexiest moans.

“Fuck, you’re hot.” She mutters against your lips, making you smile. “Do you want to dance more?”

You just nod, kissing her one last time before taking Lexa’s hand to guide her to the dancefloor.

You dance for about an hour, and your feet start to hurt. You hate it, because seeing Lexa dance is just something you wish you can watch forever. You want to feel her against you all the time and it’s only better when you notice how tipsy you are.

But, your feet. “You wanna go somewhere else?” you yell, laughing with a drink in your hand.

“Like where?” Lexa yells just as loud as you and you love how her eyes twinkle when they look at you. She stops dancing, snaking her arm around your waist to pull you further against her.

“Just… somewhere quiet. Outside.” You opt.

The brunette nods, finishing her drink. You walk behind Lexa towards the lockers, and you laugh when you see how the other woman is struggling to open it properly.

“Great.” You hear her mutter when she tries to pull on her blazer inside-out. The sight is truly endearing – tough Lexa tipsy, no clue how to pull on her blazer normally.

“God, my feet.” You groan, walking outside. You really should have gone for sneakers.

You quirk both your brows as you see Lexa bending through her knees, holding her arms wide as if she is ready for you to hop on.

“What are you doing?” you ask, looking around. You won’t be the one to jump on her back, only to realize that you are way too heavy for Lexa.

“C’mon, ride my back.” Lexa is laughing, but you can tell she is serious about it.

“I’m heavier than I look.” You laugh, defending yourself. You pull on her sleeve, trying to get her to walk normally with you, but she doesn’t listen.

“And I am stronger than I look. Come!” her laugh still bright, you sigh and give in.

You jump. You feel so fucking clumsy, almost suffocating the other woman when your arms wrap around her neck to hold you steady. You laugh loud. You cling onto her, not quite trusting her with your weight.

You are surprised when she lifts you with ease, walking as if she isn’t carrying the weight of an extra person at all. She is indeed fucking strong and you can feel yourself relax a little.

This is fucking perfect. You press your cheek against hers, loving how close you are to her now. She leans into you as she walks. You inhale her scent, noticing she smells like alcohol, tiny bit of sweat and her perfume.

It’s a real nice smell and you know now for sure that you are tipsy. You never like it when someone smells like sweat but you don’t mind at all with Lexa. It’s not even gross or anything.

You watch how Lexa walks. You think you walk over the Brooklyn Bridge, even. You make her stop, feeling sorry for her that she is walking such a long end, on heels, with you on her back. She must be crazy.

“I just wanna… look at this view.” You say as an excuse, glad to notice your feet are feeling a little better. You do take a picture of the skyline, because right now the view is something you want to remember. The darkness of the night fading into the lights of the buildings.

The water, the wind. You love it all. But mostly, you just enjoy the brunette’s company. You notice how she moves to stand next to you. You glance aside and see how she has her hair now in a messy bun – and it looks fucking adorable.

“Looks cute.” You smile, bumping your shoulder into hers. The smile she gives you back, is all you really need.

You lean into her, standing there for quite a while. Simply enjoying the view.

“Come on.” Lexa says then, tugging you by her side to walk further down the bridge.

You walk down, and you see how you enter a park. Lexa guides you to a bench that offers the best view of the city, dropping herself onto it, already extending her arm for you to join next to her. You have another idea, though.

You smirk internally when you lower yourself on her lap, straddling her hips. For a moment, Lexa seems surprised, but her arms are quick to pull you closer.

“Hi.” You smile, resting your forehead against hers.

“Hi.” She smiles back at you, so beautifully that your heart melts. She looks into your eyes, apparently not caring with how close you are.

Her eyes are just so green and you are pretty sure you have never seen this shade before.

You tilt your head slightly, kissing her high cheekbone, her small nose. Eventually you kiss her lips. Your heart feels so fucking warm right now, it’s not even normal. You cup her jaw, kissing her gently. You simply enjoy the moment, enjoying the feeling of her lips on yours. Her so fucking tender, soft, plumb lips that you have grown to love so much already.

You think your breath trembles, but you are not sure. You pull back a little, your gaze focused on her eyes. You realize that this can’t last forever and you hate that you are not ready for more. You hate how your heart still longs for Finn, even though it wants Lexa more.

“I…” you start, looking for the right words but you can’t find them. “I’m grateful to have met you tonight.” You smile the best smile you have, leaning in to kiss her lightly.

“Are you alright?” she asks, her eyes filled with concern. You don’t know how to feel, knowing that Lexa can read you this well.

“Yeah, I’m just a little… tired.” You climb off her lap, sitting next to her instead. You watch over the city with her, enjoying it as much as you can, trying not to think of the inevitable. The moment you will leave.

“Clarke?” you are shaken out of your thoughts.

“Yes?” you hum, not looking up. You are pretty sure that you will cry if you look at her right now.

“I’m grateful to have met you, too. I know it’s cheesy, saying it back, but I mean it. You uncover something in me that I didn’t realize was still there, anymore.”

Yeah, you are definitely going to cry, now that she presses a kiss on top of your head.

“It’s not cheesy, Lexa. I’m glad I can be that for you.” You say, meaning every word of it.

“Me, too.”

\\\


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! Haven't checked for typo's yet, so forgive me if there are any.
> 
> So, just gonna share it once more : a link of the playlist that I write this fic to. I have heard from some people that it fits perfectly with the story, so do with it whatever you want.  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3aDiDhD5pHVgMQHO13gAuh?si=ypeJyNaHSiS3Sl1p7p1C7A
> 
> Much love for you my dear readers! <3

\\\

You wake up slightly when you feel a nudge in your shoulder. You swat away whatever it’s causing it. You then realize you must have fallen asleep against Lexa’s shoulder. You want to sit up, but you notice how Lexa presses a gentle kiss on your forehead. You almost sink back to sleep. Almost.

“Clarke? Are you going to wake up?” her voice is the softest you have every heard and you know you could fall asleep listening to her forever. You simply enjoy this, dozing off slightly.

“Clarke?” she sighs, you can hear it in the distance. Your eyelids are so fucking heavy. “I think I love you.” You hear her say then and suddenly, you are wide awake. “I know I have to let you go, and I will, but don’t think I will forget you.” She mutters against your forehead and you can feel tears stinging your eyes.

Your heart cries with you. Her voice was so vulnerable, fragile and you wonder what she will say to you when she thinks you are awake. You feel her shake you a little, trying to wake you up again. You pretend to wake up, not sure what to say to her.

You look up at her, watching how the painful look on her face softens when her eyes meet yours.

“Are you okay?” she asks, and you think it is because your eyes are probably red and teary. You make yourself smile. “It’s the wind.” You lie. Well, it’s more half a lie. The wind really is in your eyes and after just waking up, it felt quite cold.

“How long did I sleep?” you are afraid of the answer. You are afraid that you wasted time.

“I think about half an hour.” She thinks deeply. Then, she motions her hand left. “Sun is going to come up soon.”

You into the direction she is pointing and you feel the disappointment in your heart, but you try to hide it from her. You don’t want to make it harder than it already is.

You watch how Lexa pulls out her phone to check the time and you can’t help but being unable to think past today.

You have gotten used to Lexa already and you are not sure what to do without her.

“How are we going to fill those three hours?” you ask her, looking into her green eyes. Lexa just shrugs. You have a feeling that she thinks the same as you – figuring out how to say goodbye.

“How about we get a nice breakfast somewhere?” you ask, wanting to distract your mind from what is coming.

“I don’t think a nice place has opened yet.” She says, almost uninterested. There is something off about her and you are not sure if it’s your fault or not.

“Sorry.” She looks down, fumbling with her hands in her lap. Yeah, she is definitely acting different. You take her hand in yours.

“Did I say something wrong?” you ask carefully, not wanting to ruin the whole night.

“No!” she almost yells, her eyes panicking as she is quick to press her lips on yours. It soothes you to some point, but there is still something that you can’t explain. “No.” she repeats, her forehead leaning against yours, her eyes closed.

“I guess I’m not quite ready to say goodbye yet.” She admits and your heart does stupid things. You move your hand up to feel her jaw. Her skin is so soft, her jawline so perfect. Lexa is gorgeous and you hate yourself for not being ready for her. You want more.

“Me neither. But don’t have to, at least not yet.” You try to cheer her up, muttering against her warm lips.

You can feel her tremble under your touches.

“How can we make them count?” she refers to the few hours you have left. You honestly have nothing to say.

So you kiss her. You kiss her deeply, feeling how intense it grows, how your tongues fight. You can feel her emotions in it and you pour just as much in the kiss as she does.

You can taste a little saltiness and you know it’s a tear. You know that she is hurting and you wish it could have _been_ more. You wish _you_ could have done more.

She swaps sides, her bottom lip trembling as she is clearly trying not burst out in tears. You know exactly how she feels, but somehow you know you are the one causing all of this. You are not ready. Your heart still aches for somebody who isn't with you anymore.

You lean into her lips, feeling how she bites your bottom lip gently. You moan softly, needing the touch.

She cups your cheeks, clearly out of breath. You pull back just a little, topping her hands on your cheeks, looking into her bright green eyes. You wish you could tell her how you feel, you wish you could make it up to her, you wish you could be with her forever. But you can’t.

You try to say something, but instead you attach your lips back to hers. You feel how she is ready for you, kissing you deeply, her tongue asking for permission to enter and you happily grant it.

“Hello, ladies.” You suddenly hear. You are flabbergasted with how fast Lexa reacts. She stands up, immediately shielding you from whoever is disturbing you.

You barely have time to respond. You see how a man is watching Lexa with a sly grin on his face. “Aren’t you tough?” he laughs and you shudder when you hear it.

He clearly has no good intention here and you are so glad that you are not alone. But, the feeling that he is about to hurt Lexa doesn’t comfort you at all.

“Aren’t I tough?” Lexa repeats his words and you feel shivers when you hear how her voice has become low with anger, her words slowly spilled out of her mouth. You barely recognize the sound.

You hold Lexa tight by her sleeves, ready to pull her away from the man if it’s necessary. You would stand in front of her if she would just let you. But she is so protective and strong that you don’t stand a chance.

“Come here.” He laughs, and you grit your teeth. You feel your muscles tighten, ready to jump away if you have to.

You secretly love how Lexa shields you from the man.

“This could be fun.” You see him wiggling his eyebrows and you already know that he is about to attack you. You feel how Lexa takes a step back carefully, still holding you behind her.

You squeal when the man jumps forward. You are surprised with how smoothly Lexa ducks away from him, dragging you with her in the process. It makes him angry, though. You can tell that he is about to hit Lexa and a flash of panic rises through your throat.

As soon as his arm is anywhere near Lexa’s head, she ducks again. She pushes you away quickly, jumping forward.

You drop your jaw when you see how fast Lexa’s knee is connecting with the mans groin, making him drop to the ground with an agonizing sound.

Lexa stands tall – spitting on him and you admire her for being so tough and badass. You, on the other hand, are shaking, panicking and you just want to leave.

“Fuck you.” You hear the brunette say, and you tug on her sleeve. You just want to go.

“Let’s go!” Lexa pushes you to run in front of her. You don’t know where to go, but you just decide to go for the bridge.

Your lungs burn and panic is in your chest. You want to cry. But you run.

You run until you reach the other side, until you can’t anymore. You lean on your knees.

Before you know it, Lexa’s arms are wrapped around you like a warm, safe blanket and you let yourself go. You cry. You have to lean heavily on her, because you know you will fall if you don’t. But she steadies you with ease.

“You’re alright. I’m here.” She keeps saying it to you and her voice comforts you. Her arms comfort you. You need this, you need _her_.

“It’s alright, you are alright.” She says, cupping the back of your head. You shake.

“Come on.” She wraps an arm around your shoulder, walking you further down the road. You are cold.

“Breathe in, Clarke, through your nose.” She looks at you, breathing with you. As if she can sense that you are about to have a panic attack. “Out through your mouth.”

Her supportive smile is cute and it calms you. She stops, softly whiping some tears of your cheeks and you notice how safe you feel with her by your side.

Lexa breathes with you, until you can feel it ease down.

She takes your hands in hers, bringing them to her mouth to press the softest kiss on them and for a moment you forget what just had happened.

But, you shake. Your hands shake. You hold them up in front of her. “Look.”

“It’s the adrenaline, Clarke.” She smiles and you wonder how she can stay this calm. You are not calm at all.

She tucks you back into her side. She starts walking, finding a café.

She takes you to the bathroom instantly, taking off your jacket. You lean against the sink, watching how Lexa moves to pull you against her.

She holds you tightly and you can feel how strong she is. You still wonder, though, how she could fight this well, be so fast and badass. It is kind of sexy.

“You’re safe, Clarke.” She presses a few kisses on your head, and it’s endearing.

You look back up at her. “I didn’t know you were such a good fighter.” You try to smile.

She smiles back at you, and it comforts you. “I do martial arts.”

Of course she does. Of course she is hot like that.

“Badass, Lexa. Badass.” You smile, feeling your heart calm down. Lexa just has that effect on you.

“I didn’t really have a choice tonight.” She shrugs, lifting her hand to tuck some hair behind your ear. You love how soft her movements are. Careful, even.

She leans in, pressing a kiss on your lips. “You are okay.” She reminds you.

“We are okay.” You correct her.

“Are you ready for that fancy breakfast of yours?” she smiles, taking your jacket, taking your hand as she guides you back into the café.

“Yeah.” You nod. Lexa puts you on the couch, she decides to sit on a chair across from you and you love how she eyes you sometimes. As if she is checking that you are okay.

The café you are in is nothing special at all – but you are just glad that you can sit down. You can still feel your legs tremble.

The waitress that shows up seems quite unamused and you internally roll your eyes at her.

Lexa orders espresso – of course she does – and you a cappuccino.

The brunette hands you the menu but the waitress scrapes her throat. “Sorry, the kitchen doesn’t open until six.”

Lexa shrugs at you, and you can tell that she is utterly annoyed. It’s funny to see.

“Shall we wait?” she asks and you just nod. There’s really nothing you can do about it, so waiting is fine.

The waitress leaves without saying a word, but you don’t mind.

“Just in time.” Lexa mumbles, looking outside before nodding at you and you smile. You notice how it rains and you are surprised by its effect on you. Your mood drops a bit.

Then, you notice her hand, taking it in yours. “Where is the bandage?”

The small laugh Lexa lets out is adorable. “I lost it somewhere when we were having sex at the club.” She says, shamelessly loud and you shoot her a glare.

The brunette just chuckles and you are glad that she seems happy. It brightens your heart.

“How is your hand?” you check. The wound still doesn’t look nice and you hope it won’t get infected. It’ll leave a scar.

“It’s fine.” She shrugs, like it’s nothing. She pulls back, taking off her blazer. You are amused when you notice her smelling herself. She scrunches up her nose and it’s really fucking cute.

“I’m only human.” She laughs and you love how easy-going she is with you. As if she is not ashamed of anything, proud of who she is. You admire it.

But, your thoughts go back to the man that was about to attack you. “Does that happen often?”

“Me smelling like sweat? Yeah, unfortunately so.” she laughs and you smack her on the arm for not being serious, but you can’t help but feel your heart flutter.

“I mean guys like that?” you say, falling quiet. Lexa is looking at you intensely, and you wonder what she is thinking.

“It happens a lot. Never happened to me before, though.”

“Thank you for saving me.” You smile widely, connecting your eyes with hers.

“Uh, you’re welcome.” Her smile is just as wide as yours and you love how her upper lip scrunches up when she does.

“So, martial arts, huh?” you smirk, not able to help yourself picturing Lexa fighting. It is really hot.

Lexa opens her mouth to speak, but the uninterested waitress cuts in, serving your drinks.

“Enjoy.” The woman adds, almost in disgust. You wonder how somebody like this would work here.

Lexa finishes her espresso quite quickly, but she patiently waits for you to finish your cappuccino.

“I have an idea.” She says, as soon as you finished it.

“Oh?” you are curious.

“Let’s not pay. Let’s eat somewhere else.” Her eyes sparkle and you laugh internally. You are not so comfortable about the idea, though.

“But that’s theft, Lexa.” Your eyes widen, not really sure what to think of it.

“Come one. Wasn’t this the one thing on your bucketlist you were always too scared to try?” she wiggles her eyebrows. She does have a point, actually. But you are too nice. “It’s not that they really deserve it.” She adds in a whisper and you consider.

You look down at your mug. “The cappuccino was disgusting after all, so…” you mumble, thinking that maybe, very maybe, this could be fun.

You feel how a grin forms on your face and you search for her eyes.

“Let’s do it?” the wiggle in her eyebrows is back and you love the way she looks like a child. It’s really adorable.

You nod silently, trying to grab your jacket as subtly as possible. You see how Lexa stretches, taking her blazer off her chair in the process.

She grabs her wallet, trying to pretend to throw some money on the table. She grins.

“On my count.” Her whisper is barely there and she searches for your eyes.

“Three. Two. One!” you fly out of your seat, running towards the exit with the same speed as Lexa.

You run as fast as can down the street, laughing loudly. She takes your hand in hers while running around a corner.

You don’t even notice how it rains, not until you stop running, panting while leaning your back against a wall. You pull her in front of you, trying to contain your laughter.

“Oh my god, my heart is beating so hard in my chest.” You laugh, your back still against the wall. You see how Lexa looks around, probably checking if there are other people there.

She places then her hands on the wall, on either side of your head, looking at you with those pure green eyes. You tuck her closer by her blazer.

She hovers in front of you, and you see how gorgeous she looks, some drips of rain on her face while her gaze moves between your eyes and your lips.

You can almost feel your eyes darken, as you pull her close to crash your lips together. She meets your parted lips with her own, deepening the kiss instantly.

She moans into it, but as if she remembers something, she pulls back carefully. You think it’s because of what had happened at the park near the Brooklyn Bridge, because she looks around again to see if there are any other people.

Apparently, you are alone, because her lips are back on yours before you know it.

She lets out the cutest, content sigh, her tongue meeting yours. You wish you could kiss this woman forever. The way she tastes, the way she kisses you with ease, as if she knows exactly what you like.

Her body pressed flush against yours, you need her warmth. You need her close, her lips moving in sync with yours, her tongue exploring your mouth.

She then pulls back again, taking her bun out and you grin. Her hair is curly and wild. The combination of that and her bright green eyes is almost too much for you, she is such a wonderful creature.

You tuck a loose curl behind her ear, running your hand down her face. Your fingers scratch the scalp in her neck gently and you love how she leans into your touches.

Her gaze never removed from your eyes, she pulls you into a tight hug. Her arms wrap around you safely. You press your face into her neck, gently nipping on the soft skin there. You love the way she smells and how your body responds to her closeness – sending shivers down your spine, your heart racing.

She holds you so tight that you wonder if she will ever let you go and it almost makes you cry. Almost.

She moves back a little, kissing your cheek, your jaw and eventually the corner of your mouth. She does it so tenderly that you sink into her.

She captures your lips with hers and you immediately notice that something has changed. It’s soft, but there is a certain change that you can’t quite figure out. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you both know you have to say your goodbyes soon.

It’s desperation, you realize then. You barely take time to breathe, you need her lips on yours, her tongue dancing with your own. You need her close, you kiss her with all you have got.

Until your stomach grumbles.

“Oh.” You pull back, being torn out of your comfortable daze, holding your grumbling stomach. Lexa just smiles at you, stepping back slightly.

It is then, that you realize that she isn’t wearing a jacket, just her blazer. And she is soaked to the skin, but she doesn’t seem to mind.

“You don’t have a jacket.” You say dumbly.

“Let’s finally get some breakfast, dry up.” Lexa just grins. You notice the sky being lighter than before and you wonder how long you have been kissing her. Probably too long.

You shuffle closer as you start walking, pressing yourself into her side as close as possible. It makes you feel safe.

Her arm snakes around your shoulder and your own disappears underneath her blazer to hold her by her waist.

Lexa guides you somewhere and you are surprised to notice how you have trusted her blindly, all night. Not once have you considered that she could actually murder you, or something. It comforts you.

She finds a nice place nearby, and she drops herself into a chair. She looks tired, and you feel how you are as well. But somehow, Lexa must be thinking of something nice because a cute smile appears on her face while she seems deep in thought. You notice how her make-up was smeared around her eyes, almost looking like warpaint. It is ridiculously sexy in a way you can’t comprehend so you decide not to mention it.

“What are you thinking about?” you chuckle lightly, trying to dry your hair.

“Nothing.” She smirks at you, a playful look in her eyes. “Just… clubs and bathrooms.”

She doesn’t make eye-contact and you know she is doing it to tease you. “Interesting.” You just say. You see her looking up at you, a seductive, gorgeous smile on her face and you just want to drag her to the bathroom again. But you don’t. This isn’t a club with loud music and drunk people.

“Excuse me for a moment.” She puts the menu down, walking towards the bar. You can’t help but stare at her ass. It’s so perfectly shaped and you can almost feel yourself starting to drool. You feel like a perverted idiot, but you can’t help yourself.

You see how Lexa talks to the waitress, and you can see the innocents girl’s cheeks flush and you think the brunette is flirting with her.

It makes you grin. She is testing you and you know it. You can’t take your eyes off of her.

She then walks to the bathroom and you wonder if you should follow her or not. When she takes quite a long time, you can’t help yourself anymore.

You stand up, sneaking into the bathroom. You see how Lexa is trying to fix her face, bending a bit over the sink. You glance at her ass for a moment, moving to stand behind her.

You meet her eyes in the mirror. God, she is just beautiful. You swallow.

“Hi.” You say, pressing yourself up against her back, feeling her ass against your front and you love the feeling. You stand on your toes to press a gentle kiss in her warm, soft neck.

You notice her hair dripping and there is something about that look that you just admire so much.

“You’re sexy when you’re wet.” You let out a laugh, realizing how that sounded.

Lexa finishes her hair, turning around slowly in your arms.

“Well, thanks.” She grins, pecking you on your lips. You like how normal it feels, but at the same time it’s so new.

“I love your hair like this.” You tuck another strand of hair behind her ear, smiling while you pull back. You also have make-up and hair to fix.

“I’ll go back, watch our stuff. Have you decided what you want to eat yet?” she asks gently, her hand cupping your face. She looks at you like you are the world and your heart jumps at her tenderness.

“Just the club sandwich.” You lean into her, kissing her shortly. “I’ll be there in just a moment.”

She nods, walking out of the bathroom. You sigh deeply. You know this is the last thing you will do with her and your stomach drops to your gut. You are not ready to say goodbye just yet.

Then, you think of the stuff you have at your friends’ house.

You shoot your best friend Raven a quick text, asking if she can bring your stuff to Grand Central, since you have your bag at her place. She calls you but you ignore it as fast as you can, not willing to explain yourself.

You tell her you have a headache and that you are hungover. She immediately agrees to bring your bag, somehow. You are quick to put your phone away, not entirely willing to be aware of the time.

You then lean heavily on the sink. You replay the night in your head and you are incredibly grateful to have met Lexa. But how will it be when you get home? What will it be like, knowing someone like Lexa exists? Not being able to with her makes your head spin and you think you are about to cry, but you refuse to let out a tear.

You need to be strong. For yourself. You need closure before you move on and you are pretty sure you have yet to find that.

You try to give yourself a motivational speech, but it isn’t working. Instead, you decide to get back to Lexa. She is the only one able to put a smile on your mouth right now.

“Hey.” You walk back, noticing the sandwiches have been served already. You feel your stomach grumble again, glad you can eat something.

Lexa just throws you a smile, starting to eat. You almost devour your sandwich. You are fucking starving.

The brunette across from you seems to be deep in thought and you are curious as to what she is thinking.

You eat for a few minutes. You then catch her staring at you. You smile at her, but you can feel how it barely reaches your eyes.

“I don’t think I can say goodbye to you.” You say in all honesty. The smile that Lexa returns is maybe even sadder than yours.

“I don’t think I can, either.”

“I’m sorry that I am so broken, Lexa. I wish it were easier.” You mumble, feeling guilty for having to leave her behind in this big city.

“Don’t be sorry, Clarke. Don’t ever be sorry for something like that.” She says sternly, looking at you with an intense look in her green eyes.

You finish your sandwich. “I…” you think of the right things to say but you realize there isn’t one. “I will miss you.”

You can see how Lexa’s eyes flutter closed. “I will miss you, too.” Her eyes open again and she searches for your hands. “I won’t forget you.” She adds, making you almost cry in an instant.

You open your mouth, wanting to say something back, but you are at a loss for words. Instead, you just hold her hand tightly, as if that will fix everything.

You cry silently, but you find comfort in those green orbs when they look at you.

“If you want to make it to Grand Central in time, we could take a cab.” Lexa checks the time on the clock, her mood clearly dropping. Her eyebrows furrow, her smile is completely faded and even in this moment, she is still the most beautiful person you have ever seen.

You can only nod. You grab your stuff, a twist in your stomach at the thought of time running out.

Lexa takes her stuff, too. She is quick to put money on the table before you are even able to take your wallet.

She stand up, quietly, her hand immediately searching yours. She calls a cab, taking you to the station.

Lexa brings up your entwined hands, pressing a gently kiss on yours and your skin burns under her soft lips. God, how you are going to miss her touches. How you will miss looking into those green eyes.

The cab ride isn’t really long and you hate it when you see the station appear in your sight.

The cab drops you off near the main entrance, leaving the two of you to stand on the sidewalk. It’s busy here, people walking in and out of the station.

Lexa’s voice is small when she speaks. “Do you want me to go in with you?”

You shake your head. Raven will probably be waiting for you there with your stuff. And it will probably only make it harder, taking her in there with you.

It is silent for a while. Lexa doesn’t look at you when she pulls you against her. You feel her arms around your waist, and her face pressing into your shoulder.

You kiss her on the cheek, trying to get her to look at you. She does.

“Thank you, Lexa. Thank you for showing me that I can love two people at once.” You can tell that she is touched by your comment. She probably didn’t expect you to tell her that you love her. But you do, love her. But you love Finn, too.

She looks like she is going to cry and you hate that you can’t make her happier. Tears stream down her face, making her eyes greener than ever.

“Clarke?” she seems to be searching for something in your eyes but you have no idea what she is looking for. You lean your arms on her shoulders, standing against her closely.

She doesn’t speak more and you wish you could read her mind right now. You are about to ask when she crashes your lips together in a desperate kiss. You immediately search for her tongue, needing to feel her softness.

You can feel her bottom lip tremble as you switch sides, a single tear down her face as she looks at you in between. She is so beautiful. Your hands tangle in her hair, pulling her close.

When she pulls back, she presses a kiss on your forehead. After that, she looks into your eyes.

“I love you.” She whispers and you wish she didn’t say that. It makes it only harder. But then again, you said it as well and you can’t help the warm feeling in your heart as she looks at you with the most loving look in her eyes.

“I have to go.” You mumble, not really knowing what to say anymore.

She nods, looking down at her feet defeated.

Your heart aches at the sight. You cup her chin with your hand, making her look into your eyes.

“You are so beautiful, Lexa. You made me feel so many things tonight, I can’t even describe.” You say softly, thinking of what else to say. “May we meet again.”

Your gaze switches between her eyes and her plumb lips. You press your lips against hers fast, realizing that this is the last kiss you will ever share with her.

Then, you pull back.

“May we meet again.” She nods.

You can’t handle it anymore. You walk back, your front still turned to look at Lexa. But then, you are fast to turn around and you almost run to the station. You can’t bare it to look back at her, not anymore.

Your heart races, you feel tears running down your cheeks as you realize that you have left her behind.

Before you enter Grand Central, you turn around, though.

You think you see a flash of brown curls but you are not sure.

“I love you.” You whisper, before turning around and leave the city for good.

\\\

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, I am currently working on the sequel. I think it might take one or two weeks before I start uploading, so stay tuned!! :D
> 
> Thanks so much for all the love on this fic! Been a rollercoaster of feelings, writing this. I still miss Clarke and Lexa together, these days. My heart still aching for them even after... what is it, three, four years? Well, the 100 has come to an end. I think we all know to whom Clarke's heart belongs (not crying at all, no, no)  
> I will have to be honest with you - Clexa is probably the only ship I have ever gotten so involved in. Didn't we all? Just seems so unfair, all of it. I am just glad to think that I am not alone in this. So, thanks for bearing with me.
> 
> For the sake of keeping Clexa alive, I will do everything that I can, to make the sequel as beautiful as possible.
> 
> PS: if you listened to my playlist, which one is your favourite song? I still add songs on the way, there are just too many songs that remind me of our favourite two gay characters.


	6. Chapter 6

hey guys! (i also posted this on the first work in this series)

you must be wondering why on earth i am uploading another chapter, well it's just a writers note.

as you may have noticed, I recently took down the sequel, simply because i didn't have the inspiration to finish it. I am deeply sorry for that.

i am one to keep my promises, though, so i will post the sequel soon! but, **_not_** before i upgrade this one and 'it's all for you'! 

That is why i am announcing that next sunday, the tenth of january, i will take this down temporarily. i will rewrite (probably make minor adjustments, no worries) and post it again soon after i finish my newest fic 'constellate'!

Just wanted to let you know, giving you a heads up.

i am quite busy with work, but writing this fic has given me so much joy, if i am being completely honest, so i am more than willing to make it better and finally finish the sequel.

i hope my rambling isn't too confusing for you!

anyway, happy new year and take care!!

x Anna

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!!


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